Suggestions on what to say? Have a mother coming in today who needs yelled at...

[Java99]

So I have a mother coming in today who is making her 8 year old daughter feel horrible because she has to wear glasses. This woman has said, in front of me and the kid, I hate the way you look in glasses, why can't you wear contacts, there's something wrong with you, etc.

I want to choke the mother. This woman is ignorant enough about glasses she was very upset that SHE could not see through her child's glasses. When I was patient and explained of course not, she got arrogant, of course. When the mother asked me what was wrong with her kid that she needed glasses I did manage to say genetics, which went right over her head.

But I really want to find something to say that will help the daughter feel better about herself even though this beast is telling her the opposite. I have zero concern about the mother getting mad at me for saying whatever I can find to say to her daughter. This kid is going to need all the positive encouragement she can get just to get through life, never mind glasses.

What would you say to the daughter?

[Steve Machol]

This kind of ignorance and abuse makes me very angry. I have to admit that I would have a very hard time holding my tongue with that woman. But I do think that if you or the person helping this little girl wears glasses, then you can simply put the lie to the Mother's words simply by showing that little girl how glasses have changed your world for the better.

Of course, I'm not opposed to smacking that woman up the side of her head, so maybe I shouldn't be the one to handle this.

[Java99]

That's a good idea, Steve. Thanks.

I may not be able to hold my tongue with mom, and I'm okay with that. But I want to do something to make this kid feel good before I do it. My mother survived a mother like that, I know the damage it does, so I don't think it's going to be possible to keep my mouth shut completely. And if it makes this kid feel better about herself for 30 seconds, it's worth it. I want to refund it and tell the mother to use the money to put the kid in therapy, because she'd going to need it.

[idispense]

Wear your glasses in front of the child so you have things in common. Establish a bond. Perhaps have other pictures of children wearing glasses on the desk. Welcome the child to come back any time. Tell the mother how much you enjoy looking after her child and how good she is . Refund the mothers money, you are so happy to help this time, but still welcome the child. Have the child read so she knows the glasses work.

Exhibiting anger towards the mother may make it worse for the child.

Hold your tongue, count to a hundred , take a walk around the block. Don't let your's or the mothers negative anger refocus on the child. The child has no defense.

[racethe1320]

" This woman has said, in front of me and the kid, I hate the way you look in glasses, why can't you wear contacts, there's something wrong with you, etc. "

" But I really want to find something to say that will help the daughter feel better about herself even though this beast is telling her the opposite. "

I would pull them both aside and explain that glasses are a medical device unlike any other as they are also a fashion statement. They can be an accessory, no different than jewelry. It might even help to point out jewelry that mom is wearing.

I often tell younger girls that we make jewelry for their eyes. Items are are very special as they help them see better. In the end, whether someone else cares to like or dislike your jewelry, the important thing is it's first and foremost a medical device that betters your life every single day. What the wearer chooses in the way of style or even to where them vs contacts is a personal decision they have to make and live with, not you the the mother or her friends at school. You wouldn't want your daughter to make decisions based mostly on what others think would you?

I would then share that step one is getting used to seeing better. Not a hard thing to do. Next would be to think about how you (the child) want to express yourself. Turn to the mother and ask her to think about the importance of things in order.

• Is it important to address said Daughter's medical concerns? Obviously yes, as you're here.
• What comes first, your thoughts of her appearance or hers?
• How about her self esteem and feelings...are those important to you?
• Do you as her mother want to ultimately be a source of support or a source of stress during this time? What do you think she would wish you to be?

Push back your chair and extend your arms and state that those are ALL family matters not of your concern, but as a professional in the medical field, those are your thoughts for them to consider going forward once they leave your office.

From there you just have to let the daughter and mother stand on their own and work it out together knowing you did your best to help in many different ways.

[optical24/7]

This is Texas. Pull out your CC and tell the Mom you'll pop a cap in her butt if she doesn't shut up!

[Java99]

More info: mom has glasses she refuses to wear. At the sale, mom said she didn't care what frames the daughter liked, she was getting what mom picked. We explained she was more likely to wear them if she liked them, mom didn't care. Child is -2.50 OU. We explained that she couldn't see the board, the better her vision the easier it would be to learn, play sports, succeed in life, mom was oblivious.

[Java99]

This is Texas. Pull out your CC and tell the Mom you'll pop a cap in her butt if she doesn't shut up!

So tempting! That is in the realm of possible but not likely outcomes :)

[idispense]

Think on your approach.

“To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world.” Bill Wilson

[cocoisland58]

What would you say to the daughter?

I've seen this before though not to this idiotic extreme. I have sat before a few teary eyed young girls and while I was adjusting their glasses I started talking softly and only to them. "I have been wearing glasses since I was your age and I understand. My glasses are part of who I am just as they will be a part of who you are. They never stopped me from having friends, dating boys, going to college and having a happy life and they won't stop you either".

As for the mother? You can't fix stupid so don't even try.

[Dirk]

This behaviour is bordering on child abuse.
My wife has worked as a social worker, dealing with defective parents and their children, trying to educate them to
raise their kids without damaging them.Even as a professional this was an almost impossible task.
Try not to get in between them, kids will remain loyal to their parents.
I believe that you already are trying your best to help the kid and her mom, there is not much more you can do.

I hope this story gets a happy end.

[Robert Martellaro]

So I have a mother coming in today who is making her 8 year old daughter feel horrible because she has to wear glasses. This woman has said, in front of me and the kid, I hate the way you look in glasses, why can't you wear contacts, there's something wrong with you, etc.

On the heels of Saint Valentines Day, I'm going to stick my neck out and recommend that you tell her to have an immediate tubal ligation, with any further fertilizations occurring in an artificial womb, proceeded by education and licensure in the field of parenting.

[oxmoon]

I applaud your desire to help, but the dynamics underlying the mother and daughter relationship are probably the most deeply complex found in humans, and you can only try to scratch the surface. I think you can condemn the actions of this mother, but not the mother herself, because you do not know or understand those dynamics. Nature has built it into human mothers to love and want to protect their children. This is basic, and you can count on it being there in this pair. But the way this natural instinct operates and displays itself in any given situation can be very difficult for any outsider to understand.

[Java99]

So when they came in, mom stayed on her cell phone. (Shocking, I know.) The daughter asked why people didn't like glasses. I told her because they didn't understand how much they helped people like us see all the good things in the world there were to see - like how pretty the moon was, and what flowers look like when you're far away, and movies and how much easier it made it to catch the ball in gym class, etc. Then she said she was worried about people making fun of her. I framed it by telling her what it was like when I was her age, and told her that when people make fun, it's because they don't understand, or sometimes it's not because of us at all, but that person is just really sad inside. I got her smiling.

Then I showed her the pictures on our work facebook of other little girls in glasses, and how pretty they were, just like her, and she left telling that rotten woman that she was wearing her new favorite glasses and she couldn't wait to see what the moon looked like now.

So, a win, I hope. I hope she remembers a little of it the next time her mothers opens her mouth.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm glad mom stayed on her cell phone.

[drk]

Very good job.

[joptid]

So when they came in, mom stayed on her cell phone. (Shocking, I know.) The daughter asked why people didn't like glasses. I told her because they didn't understand how much they helped people like us see all the good things in the world there were to see - like how pretty the moon was, and what flowers look like when you're far away, and movies and how much easier it made it to catch the ball in gym class, etc. Then she said she was worried about people making fun of her. I framed it by telling her what it was like when I was her age, and told her that when people make fun, it's because they don't understand, or sometimes it's not because of us at all, but that person is just really sad inside. I got her smiling.

Then I showed her the pictures on our work facebook of other little girls in glasses, and how pretty they were, just like her, and she left telling that rotten woman that she was wearing her new favorite glasses and she couldn't wait to see what the moon looked like now.

So, a win, I hope. I hope she remembers a little of it the next time her mothers opens her mouth.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm glad mom stayed on her cell phone.

What a great job! Takes me back to memories of being a little boy getting my first pair in second grade and makes me wish I'd had an optician like you back then! It's never on the job description, but being an optician sometimes means being a bit of a therapist too.

[chaoticneutral]

Excellent job! That little girl has an uphill battle to fight with her mother. If mom is berating her in public, imagine what she does at home /sad

[NCspecs]

So when they came in, mom stayed on her cell phone. (Shocking, I know.) The daughter asked why people didn't like glasses. I told her because they didn't understand how much they helped people like us see all the good things in the world there were to see - like how pretty the moon was, and what flowers look like when you're far away, and movies and how much easier it made it to catch the ball in gym class, etc. Then she said she was worried about people making fun of her. I framed it by telling her what it was like when I was her age, and told her that when people make fun, it's because they don't understand, or sometimes it's not because of us at all, but that person is just really sad inside. I got her smiling.

Then I showed her the pictures on our work facebook of other little girls in glasses, and how pretty they were, just like her, and she left telling that rotten woman that she was wearing her new favorite glasses and she couldn't wait to see what the moon looked like now.

So, a win, I hope. I hope she remembers a little of it the next time her mothers opens her mouth.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm glad mom stayed on her cell phone.

Outstanding. I commend you.

[Dirk]

So when they came in, mom stayed on her cell phone. (Shocking, I know.) The daughter asked why people didn't like glasses. I told her because they didn't understand how much they helped people like us see all the good things in the world there were to see - like how pretty the moon was, and what flowers look like when you're far away, and movies and how much easier it made it to catch the ball in gym class, etc. Then she said she was worried about people making fun of her. I framed it by telling her what it was like when I was her age, and told her that when people make fun, it's because they don't understand, or sometimes it's not because of us at all, but that person is just really sad inside. I got her smiling.

Then I showed her the pictures on our work facebook of other little girls in glasses, and how pretty they were, just like her, and she left telling that rotten woman that she was wearing her new favorite glasses and she couldn't wait to see what the moon looked like now.

So, a win, I hope. I hope she remembers a little of it the next time her mothers opens her mouth.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm glad mom stayed on her cell phone.

Great job! You did what her mother should have done!

[witty optician]

You just teared me up ! Way to go girl !!

[Iheartglasses]

You sound like you did a great job given the unfortunate circumstances. I love glasses and I tell patients that I want them to be excited about their choice. It's sad to think about how Mommy Dearest treats her kid at home but at least you were able to give her some encouragement.