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Thread: Most Batsh*t Crazy Thing You've Heard a Patient Say?

  1. #101
    Master OptiBoarder AngeHamm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WFruit View Post
    Guy gets out of his very nice luxury Cadillac that has a "I earned a Purple Heart" license plate on it. He's probably in his late 70's, using a cane to walk. Comes in and shows me a pair of glasses that have obviously been chewed on by a medium to large sized dog, judging by the teeth marks in the lenses. He says to me "Darn dog chewed me glasses. I know that probably isn't covered by the warranty. What do I need to do to get a new pair?" Sir, just for being honest with me about what happened to them, I do believe those lenses are covered under the scratch warranty.

    Lady comes in, probably mid 50's, lots of flashy jewelry, probably 15 rings on 8 fingers, and a visible cloud of perfume. Gives me the remains of a pair of glasses that were probably chewed on by a large dog, or possibly a bear. "Ah don't know what could have happened. I put them in the case in my nightstand drawer last night, and when I woke up this morning they were just like this! You can just make me a new pair under warranty can't cha?" First lets get a new frame for you. By the way, how old is your dog? "Oh he's just going on 6 months old now.... .... .... Now how did you know I had a dog?" Because that's what happened to these glasses. Nice of your dog to put them back in their case in your nightstand when he was done with them. No, this sort of damage isn't covered by any warranty, a new pair will be a full price.
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    I'm Andrew Hamm and I approve this message.

  2. #102
    looking up the answers smallworld's Avatar
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    My laugh for the week:

    A patient tries on her new progressive glasses and checks out the reading card and quips" Well I'm sure it's going to take a bit to get used to my Invisalines"

    What is reality but a concept unique to each of us? Can anything be classed as real when our perceptions differ greatly on so many things? Just because we see something a particular way does not make it so.

  3. #103
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    I guess that's why they always give me their dental insurance card when they want to know their coverage! ALL THE TIME!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by smallworld View Post
    My laugh for the week:

    A patient tries on her new progressive glasses and checks out the reading card and quips" Well I'm sure it's going to take a bit to get used to my Invisalines"


  4. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by mervinek View Post
    I guess that's why they always give me their dental insurance card when they want to know their coverage! ALL THE TIME!!!!
    You should set up a chair in the back and hire a dentist. You'll make a killing

  5. #105
    Master OptiBoarder AngeHamm's Avatar
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    If you do in-office finishing, you could have the sound of an edger coming from one room and a dentist's drill coming from another. A really serene environment.
    I'm Andrew Hamm and I approve this message.

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blunder Woman View Post
    Had a patient last week who really liked my eye make up and asked lots of questions about the products and tools that I use. Nice, right? Who doesn't love a compliment. I was surprised today when she came in with a bag of makeup and started to pull it out on the diepensing table. She wanted me to give her a makeup tutorial because "You help people with their eyes, don't you?"

    Funny! Reminds me of the time a woman came in and dumped a grocery sack of arrowheads on the dispensing table. She wanted me to appraise them because I used to be an archaeologist. Then she proceeded to tell me that she illegally collected them from federal lands. Then she asked me not to tell anyone that. Good thing she picked up all those artifacts that had been laying there for hundreds to thousands of years. That way they could live in her grocery sack.

  7. #107
    Master OptiBoarder OptiBoard Silver Supporter lensmanmd's Avatar
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    You want Bats**t crazy? Check out some of the posting on Opticians on Facebook. The stuff we post on this thread pale in comparison. Then again, I believe that we are a bit more professional here..............................
    I bend light. That is what I do.

  8. #108
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    lensmanmd I am a member of that group on Facebook and you ain't kidding!

  9. #109
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    I'm probably going to hell for laughing about this, but...
    Reluctant patient came in for exam with his father. Come to find out he was high on meth or something. I overhear them arguing loudly about the appointment. The patient starts cussing out his father for making him come. Then the father says, "Aaron! You can't keep wearing your sister's glasses!"

  10. #110
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
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    I'm sure I posted this someplace on OB, but apparently not here....

    This was a number of years ago. I was working a Saturday by myself, all my help out. I was 8 deep in the dispensary, people waiting for me when this lady comes rushing in and interrupts me at the dispensing table as I was helping a patient.

    She proceeds, " When ever I do this my glasses slip down my face!" She then spreads her legs, bend down 90 degrees at her waist and vigorously shakes her head back and forth like a pit bull tearing meat off a bone...

    I calmly observe, then ask her with a straight face, " So, do you perform this move frequently?"

    She stands upright, thought for a moment, then murmurs, " Well, I guess not "....

    I was the only one in the room not laughing their heads off, though I wanted to. And oh, the comments made after she left....


    *( Yes, I did an extremely minor adjustment on her glasses so she could shake her head all day long...)
    Last edited by optical24/7; 05-17-2019 at 12:43 PM.

  11. #111
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    I was working in an MD's office and we were short handed, so I helped out with Patient Histories and getting people into rooms. So, "Little Johnny" (5 years old) was with his Mom. He was having trouble seeing the board in school. After I pre-tested, I got them into a room. I sat Little Johnny in the Chair and told him that he Doctor would be in shortly. Mom asked to use the bathroom and instructed Little Johnny to stay seated. I went onto the next patient. So Doc was about to enter, when Mom greeted her to go in. There was Little Johnny...BUCK NAKED and excited for his Dr. Exam. The Mom, Doc and the staff/office had burst out in laughter.

  12. #112
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    I was fitting CL's (in New York) and was totally at a loss. A patient came back with "trials" for a final re-check. She could not see, claiming they hurt and were uncomfortable. Hmmm...a -1.50 sph...how bad was I (I thought). I struggled and struggled to figure out what possibly could have gone wrong.

    THEN....

    She admits that she lost the Trial Lenses and was "borrowing" her Landlords Contact lenses until she could get new ones.

    aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh....

  13. #113
    OptiBoard Apprentice OptiBoard Silver Supporter
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    This post is one of my favorite. I visit and read a couple comments a day after I had a hard day with a customer. I am already at the end of the thread and I feel like I finished a book.

  14. #114
    Rising Star KrystleClear's Avatar
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    Love reading these!

    I haven't worked in eyecare as long as many here, but since starting in 2011, I have heard some real doozies.

    I had a patient who somehow dropped their cheap plastic frames in a toaster. Yes, a toaster. They didn't notice until it was too late. They brought them in and wanted me to fix them - a melted, mangled mess with grill marks in the lenses... Yeah, that ain't covered under the warranty. A past coworker had a patient who dropped glasses into a pot of boiling ramen noodles.

    Since the rise of blue blockers, I have heard some wacky things. Had a patient say, "What about those lenses that put you to sleep?" I don't know if they are getting this from TV commercials or other optical shops, but while there is anecdotal evidence to suggest it may help preserve your circadian rhythm, I am not about to promise you lenses that will "put you to sleep."

    We had a patient order progressives... first time wearer. A coworker was dispensing to him and educating him on how to use them. He left, perfectly fine. Two minutes later he storms back in, guns a blazing metaphorically, screaming. He practically climbed over the dispensing counter and threw the glasses back at the coworker. I guess some lifestyle questions during the sale may have helped. Lol.

    We also had a patient break her own glasses on purpose when the optician assured her they were sitting straight. Must have been a full moon.

    My favorite just happened a couple of weeks ago. I was adjusting a set of trifocals that had been dispensed a week prior. Patient's husband states the patient has been "b*tching" about them all week. I adjust them and all is well. She then says to me: "I haven't gotten a good pair of glasses from you in years. When Mr. (Doctor's name here) died five years ago, everything died with it." A few things wrong here: she called the doctor Mister, and also, he isn't dead, and wasn't dead five years ago either... If she meant the optician before me, well, he passed about 7 months ago and has a completely different name.
    Krystle

  15. #115
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    man too many to note down, but i love when they call progressives transitions.

  16. #116
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    my first lab in a private office next to a dentist office, lab was next to the kids operating room, man the screams we would hear

  17. #117
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    Dont you all love how there are boogiemen in every state that sit on peoples glasses in the middle of the night?

  18. #118
    Rising Star KrystleClear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex Camblor View Post
    Dont you all love how there are boogiemen in every state that sit on peoples glasses in the middle of the night?
    There are also poltergeists that rip glasses right off your face and send them flying. "They just flew off my face and broke!"
    Krystle

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