The REAL story about the trip to Nawlins :-)

[Darris Chambless]

So...I'm on Bourbon St. naked, right? Then Uglor the female impersonating transvestite comes over and asks me if I want a Jello- Shot. Well, at that point there was nothing I could do except throw up. After regaining my composure I looked up at (as I perceived in my condition at the time) the voluptuous babe standing next to me holding a tray of Jello-Shots and Shooters, looked up at "it" and said "Thank you." When "it" ask what for I said "Just for being you." Needless to say "it" found me completely irresistible (which would explain the reason "it" left in such a hurry. Probably didn't want to embarrass "itself" by losing control :-) Not really, that was Pete's story ;-)

My story goes more like this "Whooo! Whooo! HEY!!! You in the red shirt! I got beads! Get your boyfriend to hold your drink." :-) Then I would wake up in what I hoped was MY hotel room :-)

The dress code on Bourbon St. was pretty strict though. Jock straps, bare chests, bare rear ends and frontals were fine but you had better be wearing a collar of some form when you went into a club :-)

The food was great. The music was great. The people were drunk. All in all a great time.

A little on the actual convention so that I don't forget to put it in since I'm still partially hung over from the trip. I can honestly say that I slept more between the hours of 10:30 PM and 5:45 AM last night than I did the whole time I was in Nawlins and we got there Thursday ;-) The convention was in a hotel across the street from the one we stayed in. There were some classes and I think I was at some of them and if anyone can verify this please let me know so that I can confirm my whereabouts for posterity sake :-)

I met Judy and she is as lovely and sweet in person as she is on the board. We seriously contemplated getting her to go out to Bourbon St. with us but we were afraid she would get us into too much trouble ;-)

I met Lady Di who is also as sweet and lovely in person as she is on the board (a little too serious though :-) I have to give her a lot of credit for her handling of the class I took that she instructed. You see, there was this guy that had been in the optical industry for 43 years (I and everyone else knew this because he seemed very fond of letting everyone know as often as possible ;-) that was just intent upon correcting everyone instructing the courses as often as possible (a legend in his own mind so to speak) Lady Di was very cordial about it and very stealthily maneuvered around his repeated attempts for notoriety. Let's hear it for Lady Di. You go girl! Whooo! Whooo! I'm sure that in her head she was thinking "If I only had a gun." :-)

I did meet some other people but I was only interested in meeting Judy and Lady Di (and of course Pete, but he was already one of the Three Musketeers and just needed the initial face to face meeting. So from here on out when I refer to we or us it will be Chad, myself and Pete ;-). My idea of who's important are evidently very different than many of the others I met along the way. I wasn't going to say this but I just have to or it will eat me up. When I talk about, say or mention that I'm my favorite subject or how great I truly am, I'M joking. Many of the people I met (but not all) honestly believed that they were the greatest thing since the invention of the light bulb and one-ups-man ship ran rampant. Honestly I couldn't tell whether I was disgusted or if I fit right in ;-) Okay I've said it and I feel purged in a way :-)

I did get some very good information while I was there though and since I'm a digger I got some pretty interesting gossip about some people. Don't ask because I won't say unless it becomes necessary so those of you out there, and you know who you are, you might want to keep those eggshells under your feet from breakin' if you know what I mean? ;-)

Well I think I need to go for now, but as the fog clears from my brain and I think of other stuff that we did I'll let you know. I'm still trying to come up with the Darris' list of Do's and Don'ts when on Bourbon St. :-)

Talk to you later,

Darris "(Sung to the tune of 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus': I saw someone kissing Olive Oyl underneath the neon sign that night ;-)" Chambless

[Shwing]

Darris, sounds like the last Alberta Opticians Assn. convention at West Edmonton Mall...

Speaking of which... (and now a word from our sponsor)

FYI, up to last year, the various provincial (and regulated) bodies of opticianry for Canada always held their own conventions.

As of last year, the Opitician's Assocation of Canada (& other bodies) have agreed to forgo individual conventions.

Starting this fall in Calgary and Toronto, there will now only be two conventions. East and West.

November is in Calgary. Now what makes this really special, is that the optometrists are going to forgo their convention (in Alberta anyway) and join us for one big whoop- up.

All you 'Mericuns are probably invited, and what with your one dollar equal to $1.45 Canadian, y'all gotta be thinkin' vacation...




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Shwing;-}

[Jeff Trail]

Darris,

Since I have been to the big easy your DIATRIBE seems more truthful then Pete's :)

Secondly.. Chad was not mentioned enough so I take he was either in a grocery cart be pushed by you two.. or he was snapping the pic's to blackmail you guys with!!

Last but not least... you must have run into the same "group" of guys I seen at the last show I went to in Ft. Lauderdale..I described them in a post under Pete's thread.
I kind of got my fill and have been sitting out the last few shows when having to deal with the so called "old timers" I know they like to tell me all about how much they know and how they worked in labs before I was out of diapers.. but then in the next breath tell me how it's been twenty years since they cranked out a actual lens..
I know I try to stay up on as much as possible with all the new products and the ever changing fields of optics but it's always a up hill battle, seems like they would shut up more and actually listen in all the years I have been in the game I still usually learn something new ..
Hey I'm bragging to.....about not knowing it all

Jeff Trail

[Pete Hanlin]

Jeff,
Oh, but Chad WAS mentioned in Darris' post :)!
Pete "That's all I cans say, I cantz sayz no more!" Hanlin

[Jim Seebach]

Hi Ya'll;
Glad to hear that some good times were had in the Big Easy. How many of you stayed up late enough or got up early enough to go over bt the river and sit outside and indulge in Hot strong coffee and Elephant Ears? If ya didn't, you just may have missed one of the best times in Nawlin's. I would like to know about the convention. How many people registered, and how many booths in the trade show. I was disappointed last year in Dallas. There were only 400 registered and less than 30 booths in the trade show.That's less than 8 people per state. There were some great courses given in Dallas. If you enjoyed New Orleans you ought to come to San Antonio in the Fall and see how it should be done. TOPS (Texas Ophthalmic Professionals Society) will put on the Fall Symposium there. Plenty of hours and plenty of enjoyment. We get great speakers and there are always plenty of CEC's for everyone. ABO, NCLE, JHACPO, and Texas Registry. We had Diane and Ed August, and a little lady from New York City, that put on some great hours in Corpus Christi at our spring convention. Hopefully they will want to come back for more.

When will the Darris Art Contest be posted? I an sure someone got real close. A few Beers should have been enough to free hand something close.

I better go, so I can look busy. Glad everyone had a good time.

Jim, I didn't stay home cause I wanted to, Seebach

[Texas Ranger]

Gosh, I leave town and America for a few days and the rain doesn't stop in Texas, my Stars lose to those darn Devils, the Rangers lose 10 of 11 and I missed all the fun in Nawlins. did old Bob Rihl show in the big easy? Al

[Diane]

OK, OK, to the LEADER of the PACK, so it appeared that I was a little too serious. I got there on Wednesday, and by the time I had the great priviledge to meet the Men from the Board, I had already been told to behave myself, (more than once).

Those that I hang out with had plenty to drink and eat and we heard some great music. I could have truly stood to hear some more. Nawlins is a town to eat and drink and hear music in, for sure.

Judy was looking really good, (what with her kick boxing and all).

The courses that I attended were good courses, and sometimes indeed there are those in attendance that are ledgends in their own minds, but after all that's what makes it interesting. I love a good challenge.

All in all, I believe that everyone had a good time, and some even learned something. :D

Oh, yes, Jim, I plan on being in San Antonio in September. It should be a good meeting. Looking forward to seeing you, again. :)

Diane

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[This message has been edited by Diane (edited 06-19-2000).]

[Chad Huber]

I'd like to direct everyone's attention to my choice of smiley faces for this post....this was how WE(Darris accurately described the WE in question) looked for most of the "day". I say "day" because in my opinion for one day to end and another to begin, one must sleep. The red nose,rosy cheeks and perma-grin are pretty appropriate.

I'm not going to respond to "Mista Pete"'s post, I will simply remind him of what a great human being I think he is and just how nice he looks without those darn glasses,(Wow the miracles of Lasik)He is also a very intelligent guy and a hell of an instructor! (enough brown-nosing?? SHUT UP PETE! ;)
I will however remind Mister Hanlin, that I am the one in possession of the pictures taken on Bourbon Street. hehehe..

I can honestly say that I did not participate in any Jello-Shots...however, that is all I can honestly say.

Now, a word about the classes and convention....which I have a rather groggy and faint memory of attending:
1) I being a NON OAA member (let the barrage begin) might not understand the complexities of organizational finance, but I do have a fair grasp of the worth of a dollar. I took special note of our reception and subsequent dinner held at the hotel ballroom on Sat evening. One thing that struck this Texas boy as strange was the rather large sign at the door thanking a few lens manufacturers,labs,and frame manufacturers for their kind "sponsorship" of our dinner. This would have been extremely considerate of them had I not had to shell out $35.00 for my chicken breast (I'm guessing my chicken had some kind of growth hormone problem or possibly was the runt of his/her litter) a crab cake (which the crab must have crawled out of before it got to my table) and some salad (which was very good, I think it was smothered in Olive Oyl). I also wanted to know why I did not get to meet Jim Bean in person since I paid $6.50 for each 2 ounce glass of his bar bourbon mixed with 1.8 ounces of Coke, I assumed he must be in attendance and taking an honorarium from each drink sold. It really makes one wonder just how generous the "sponsors" were. I kinda felt like a sponsor in my own right.

2) Wearing your name tag on a badge around your neck should be limited to INSIDE the convention...NEVER on bourbon street at 2:00am."Please beat and rob me, I'm a tourist". geesh

3) Please never walk up to someone you've never met and assume that they already know you are the greatest person they've ever met. Some of us take time to reach that conclusion.

4) The classes were pretty good and the instructors well prepared, I just wish that people would let them instruct..i.e..if we wanted to hear your opinion on every topic, we would ask you to prepare a course.. Oh yeah...and if you don't know who Prentice was, don't take ANY advanced courses of ANY kind. (You're welcome Pete)


OK....enough for now...I feel my hangover coming back.


Chad "You couldn't fit a shopping cart down Bourbon Street or I would have been in one" Huber

[This message has been edited by Chad Huber (edited 06-19-2000).]

[Darris Chambless]

Originally posted by Jeff Trail:
Darris,

"Since I have been to the big easy your DIATRIBE seems more truthful then Pete's :)"

More of it is coming back to me as the day wears on, but I'm afraid that the more I'm remembering the less I can say :-)

"Secondly.. Chad was not mentioned enough so I take he was either in a grocery cart be pushed by you two.. or he was snapping the pic's to blackmail you guys with!!"

Yeah, something like that :-)

Last but not least... you must have run into the same "group" of guys I seen at the last show I went to in Ft. Lauderdale..I described them in a post under Pete's thread.
I kind of got my fill and have been sitting out the last few shows when having to deal with the so called "old timers" I know they like to tell me all about how much they know and how they worked in labs before I was out of diapers.. but then in the next breath tell me how it's been twenty years since they cranked out a actual lens..
I know I try to stay up on as much as possible with all the new products and the ever changing fields of optics but it's always a up hill battle, seems like they would shut up more and actually listen in all the years I have been in the game I still usually learn something new ..
Hey I'm bragging to.....about not knowing it all

Jeff Trail

That pretty much sums it up. I'm not saying they weren't nice people, but I honestly have never been exposed to that much self love before :-) I'm a lot rougher around the edges than a lot of people and if I had been around these people any longer than I was my personality would have come out and I didn't want to upset anyone. Diplomacy is my middle name ;-)

I did meet a very lovely elderly woman at the banquet and I wish I could remember her name (but I had already had four bourbon and cokes within about 45 mins so the memory was a little cloudy) She had four relatives in ICU and it was very tough on her, but she was a trooper and just as sweet as can be.

I also met Marci from one of the trade magazines. Very nice lady not to mention easy on the eyes ("pretty" for those that don't speak innuendo or euphemism :-) She started to interview me while we were eating, but the gentleman across the table needed some air time I guess and crowded right on in. So I had him take my seat and I went and got another drink, talked to a couple more people and then we (Chad, myself and Pete :-) headed on to Bourbon St. I did go back and tell him it was a pleasure meeting him and told Marci that I had a prior engagement to go be "a drunk guy on Bourbon St." which I did rather well I must say :-)

If you want to know the honest truth about some of the things I learned regarding the convention, here they are:

1) The designated hotel for the convention artificially inflates the prices of rooms to attendees of said convention, gouging you for money. So never stay at the designated hotel unless someone else is paying for it.

2) The OAA has some very good people teaching the courses and doesn't pay them for it. If they want them to keep coming back they need to work something out. (They do pay for the flight to and from and the hotel room but only for the days the instructor teaches) These people take days off of work to go to these things. If I were to be asked if I would be willing to teach or speak at one of these conventions I'd say "Sure! How much does it pay?" ;-) A little negotiation would have to take place.

3) Some people need to be very aware that before they speak to you about an accomplishment of theirs with such high regard that the person they are talking to doesn't already know the "real" story about it lest they end up looking like a fool ;-)

4) The classes were very informative.

5) The exhibit hall was done very nicely and the venders were good ones, although small in number.

6) They never had Wild Turkey at any of the bars in the convention rooms and I had to settle for Jim Bean :-)

I would be very interested to know how much the OAA actually spent and or made on the convention. I would also like to know how much money the sponsors put up for this convention. The reason why is this:

I paid $150.00 for classes plus $35.00 for the banquet for a grand total of $185.00 some paid $250.00 to $300.00 yet the instructors didn't get any of it (aside from the plane tickets and hotel rooms) and had to pay for their own banquet tickets at $35.00. The attendance was pretty good for the classes I went to as well as the banquet so there was some serious money floating around.

As a dues paying member I would like to see a financial disclosure on this convention and the OAA's activities in general. I had asked Jackie Fairbarns for one before she left the OAA and she got offended that I would even ask for one. I don't want anyone to get offended but I would like to know where the money goes. You can tell a lot, and often times everything, about an organization from a financial disclosure. I think I have the right to ask for and receive one. It's more for curiosity reasons than anything else.

Last but not least could you see me as president of one of these things? I'd be sitting at "The Big Table" and when announced at the podium I would graciously shake hands with whom ever relinquishes the podium to me and then invite everyone to go get get plowed ("drunk" euphemism) with me after the banquet and not at a hotel bar. You gotta get out there and do it with style :-)

Well, I must be off to take a nap here at my desk so I'll chat with you all later.

Darris "Which one is K?" Chambless

[Roy R. Ferguson]

Originally posted by Darris Chambless:
That pretty much sums it up. I'm not saying they weren't nice people, but I honestly have never been exposed to that much self love before :-) I'm a lot rougher around the edges than a lot of people and if I had been around these people any longer than I was my personality would have come out and I didn't want to upset anyone. Diplomacy is my middle name ;-)

I did meet a very lovely elderly woman at the banquet and I wish I could remember her name (but I had already had four bourbon and cokes within about 45 mins so the memory was a little cloudy) She had four relatives in ICU and it was very tough on her, but she was a trooper and just as sweet as can be.

I also met Marci from one of the trade magazines. Very nice lady not to mention easy on the eyes ("pretty" for those that don't speak innuendo or euphemism :-) She started to interview me while we were eating, but the gentleman across the table needed some air time I guess and crowded right on in. So I had him take my seat and I went and got another drink, talked to a couple more people and then we (Chad, myself and Pete :-) headed on to Bourbon St. I did go back and tell him it was a pleasure meeting him and told Marci that I had a prior engagement to go be "a drunk guy on Bourbon St." which I did rather well I must say :-)

If you want to know the honest truth about some of the things I learned regarding the convention, here they are:

1) The designated hotel for the convention artificially inflates the prices of rooms to attendees of said convention, gouging you for money. So never stay at the designated hotel unless someone else is paying for it.

2) The OAA has some very good people teaching the courses and doesn't pay them for it. If they want them to keep coming back they need to work something out. (They do pay for the flight to and from and the hotel room but only for the days the instructor teaches) These people take days off of work to go to these things. If I were to be asked if I would be willing to teach or speak at one of these conventions I'd say "Sure! How much does it pay?" ;-) A little negotiation would have to take place.

3) Some people need to be very aware that before they speak to you about an accomplishment of theirs with such high regard that the person they are talking to doesn't already know the "real" story about it lest they end up looking like a fool ;-)

4) The classes were very informative.

5) The exhibit hall was done very nicely and the venders were good ones, although small in number.

6) They never had Wild Turkey at any of the bars in the convention rooms and I had to settle for Jim Bean :-)

I would be very interested to know how much the OAA actually spent and or made on the convention. I would also like to know how much money the sponsors put up for this convention. The reason why is this:

I paid $150.00 for classes plus $35.00 for the banquet for a grand total of $185.00 some paid $250.00 to $300.00 yet the instructors didn't get any of it (aside from the plane tickets and hotel rooms) and had to pay for their own banquet tickets at $35.00. The attendance was pretty good for the classes I went to as well as the banquet so there was some serious money floating around.

As a dues paying member I would like to see a financial disclosure on this convention and the OAA's activities in general. I had asked Jackie Fairbarns for one before she left the OAA and she got offended that I would even ask for one. I don't want anyone to get offended but I would like to know where the money goes. You can tell a lot, and often times everything, about an organization from a financial disclosure. I think I have the right to ask for and receive one. It's more for curiosity reasons than anything else.

Last but not least could you see me as president of one of these things? I'd be sitting at "The Big Table" and when announced at the podium I would graciously shake hands with whom ever relinquishes the podium to me and then invite everyone to go get get plowed ("drunk" euphemism) with me after the banquet and not at a hotel bar. You gotta get out there and do it with style :-)

Well, I must be off to take a nap here at my desk so I'll chat with you all later.

Darris "Which one is K?" Chambless

Hi Darris:

Over the years I've had the opportunity to speak at several OAA conventions. No speaker fees have ever been offered or requested. Why? Simple really, it's my way of supporting our national organization.

I'm glad you enjoyed the hours.

Roy

[Pete Hanlin]

Hi All,
I actually attended one of Roy's classes (the "Jalepeno" course). Pretty interesting considering from what I understand he had very short notice that you'd be teaching it! For those of you who have not met Dr. Ferguson, he is the definition of "extrovert" - very engaging. Unfortunately, a combination of illnesses and airlines created a speaker problem the first couple days of the convention.

The part of the convention that I really attended (Thursday and Friday) impressed me in many ways... mostly good. I also had the pleasure of meeting Joyce Otto and Beth (sorry, missed the last name :) Beth, but thanks for dinner Joyce). One suggestion, people like Joyce and the President of the OAA should spend MORE time talking to "regular" members- they're really quite interesting to talk with (both the directors and us members, that is :)). Ya'll see each other at your meetings and stuff, you only have a chance to see us at things like the convention. We'd like to know that you know us and want to personally hear our opinions. I know I enjoyed the chance to meet ya.

Speaking was a total blast. It is hard volunteer work, but I look forward to other opportunities to speak (a shuttle from the airport would have been really keen, though). It was heartening to know that folks like Karlen and the other speakers still get "tense stomachs" when their classes come up (of course, for Karlen it might have just been those "oysters" ;)). I realize that this is just an ego bruise and all, but- considering we donated hours of lecturing and all, it would have been nice to receive a little certificate of "thanks" or an invitation to the President's dinner or something (although I'm pretty sure I made out much better with Darris and Chad ;)). Overall, it was good just to be there, however, so "thanks for the invite OAA, and please call me next year for Anaheim."

In closing, however, some of the best things I learned at the convention did come from Chad, Darris, and the drunken people on Bourbon Street. Namely,

"You'll never see these people again in your life, so just go with it!" (Thanks, Chad)

"Image is everything." (Thanks, Darris)

"You're a small to medium, but in a good way..." (Thanks, drunken Navy gal :D)

"Above all, what makes a guy attractive is confidence in what he's got..." (Thanks, shooter girl)

All this to say that life is like Bourbon Street. You're only going once, but if you do it right, you come away wiser (but with less money than you came in with). Some people want to help you, some want to sell you shooters, and some would roll you for a nickel.

So all of you raise your shooters to Bourbon Street- a truly philosophical place!

Pete "That's my story, and I'm a stickin' to it" Hanlin
PS- To the wonderful and kind individual with the incriminating pictures (who was really in church at 8:30 Sunday morning ;)), message received... no more mention of lil' Abe! D)

[Darris Chambless]

Originally posted by Roy R. Ferguson:

Hi Darris:

Over the years I've had the opportunity to speak at several OAA conventions. No speaker fees have ever been offered or requested. Why? Simple really, it's my way of supporting our national organization.

I'm glad you enjoyed the hours.

Roy

Hello Roy,

Although what you've said is very admirable it isn't very feasible if the OAA wants to keep the good speakers they have or recruit new ones. You may be independantly wealthy or something like that but what if you were asked to speak at one of the conventions and couldn't "afford" to take off to go. If you had some monetary compensation to help offset the the money you would lose by being away from your business there would never be a problem getting speakers (and like I said I might even want to be one then :)

Many would say that this would cause a large out flowing of cash which is needed to fight the good fight. In all honesty, when you get the good stuff you will increase attendance. At present I would figure that the OAA may be having some troubles just breaking even. I spoke to a couple of friends of mine that were listed on the exhibitors page but their company wasn't going to be there. I asked why and they said because the attendance to these things is so low that it isn't worth the money. So my thinking is this "Do whatever it takes to get the attendance up!" This will lead to more exposure for the OAA and give them the prescence they need to get more done not to mention more bargaining power for these types of things and more money.

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to meet you while I was there, but I was busy with the Nawlins lifestyle ;)

Take care and thanks for responding,

Darris C.

[Darris Chambless]

"Image is everything." (Thanks, Darris)

Okay Pete,

So that I can get out of this one looming over me as a label let me explain the quote so that you can find another one to use from me ;) Marci has been doing an article on high-end optical and how people go about making them a success. I explained that people are hungry for the "out of the ordinary" and will pay whatever it costs to get it. I also told her that you have to have a location with lots of foot traffic and a lot of curb appeal. Inside the shop you must convey the image of high end which will keep people in that mind set when purchasing. Then she asked what one thing I would tell someone that wanted to try the high-end retail endeavor. I said that for high-end stores to work "Image is everything." That was about the time that Binky squeezed his way into the conversation and I left the table. Sorry Marci ;)

So stick that in your hat and smoke it Mister "small to medium, but in a good way" :) By the way I was "Large" :) Those of you that are thinking dirty thoughts may continue to do so, but we will never reveal the true nature of these qualifying statements :) It's our little secret.

Darris "What the H*ll is this I'm drinking anyway?" Chambless