Page 15 of 15 FirstFirst ... 5101112131415
Results 351 to 363 of 363

Thread: Favorite Jokes

  1. #351
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Down on the Farm
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,809
    This is really a bad joke….that’s why I like it!…..

    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
    Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
    The frog says $30,000.
    The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
    The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
    She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
    The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

  2. #352
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Down on the Farm
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,809
    And now, be honest……how many of you sang the last line…

  3. #353
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Quote Originally Posted by optical24/7 View Post
    And now, be honest……how many of you sang the last line…
    Guilty. Here's another groaner.
    _________________________________________________

    The "Duck" gang robbed the same bank a week later.

    How'd they do it?

    They quacked the safe.
    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  4. #354
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    I still can't get over the fact that the word "gullible" turned upside down looks just like a cat.
    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  5. #355
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  6. #356
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Down on the Farm
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,809
    Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!

  7. #357
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Quote Originally Posted by optical24/7 View Post
    Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!
    Didn't think ya needed it since you're back home on the farm now, tiling' and plantin' and such. BTW, don't even bother looking inside your wine cooler fridge.
    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  8. #358
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Down on the Farm
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,809
    I've been to a lot of places, but l've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips.

  9. #359
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Turkeys Away!

    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  10. #360
    OptiBoard Novice
    Join Date
    Dec 2023
    Location
    Europe
    Occupation
    Other Optical Manufacturer or Vendor
    Posts
    1
    Why did the smartphone go to the optometrist? Because it lost its contacts.

    Why did the computer start wearing glasses after shopping for contact lenses online? It couldn't handle the site without proper 'screening'.
    Last edited by Lenspricer; 01-05-2024 at 05:04 PM.

  11. #361
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  12. #362
    One eye sees, the other feels OptiBoard Silver Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Wauwatosa Wi
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,458
    Comedy Central and Paramount+ (Mondays only). Political satire and news just got a huge bump.

    At his best on the old show.

    Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman

    Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.



  13. #363
    Master OptiBoarder optical24/7's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Down on the Farm
    Occupation
    Dispensing Optician
    Posts
    5,809
    I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".
    I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Practical Jokes
    By morinput in forum General Optics and Eyecare Discussion Forum
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 03-29-2012, 01:24 PM
  2. Optical jokes
    By Personalizedoptics in forum General Optics and Eyecare Discussion Forum
    Replies: 62
    Last Post: 05-29-2010, 07:33 PM
  3. Dumb jokes
    By chm2023 in forum Just Conversation
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 08-12-2006, 09:11 PM
  4. optician jokes
    By ikon44 in forum Just Conversation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-18-2004, 02:52 PM
  5. More Cracker Jokes...
    By John R in forum Just Conversation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 12-30-2002, 09:45 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •