Hello all you intelligent people out there,

I got to thinking about the energy problem in California after watching The O'Rielly Factor and having my wife (who is very intelligent in her own right) ask me what the problem was all about. I explained the whole thing to her in the same double speak crapola that is so readily available on any news cast 24 hours a day. But I got to thinking how best to explain this problem to those that can't pick up on what's really being said in this scenario and in this rhetoric. Here's what I came up with:

"The California Energy Crisis of the Year 2001"

Written by, Darris Chambless O.D.O.O. PhD (in whatever I make up to substantiate that designation) M.O.A.I.S.

Scenario #1:

You have a neighbor that knows you're pretty handy around the house and he calls to find out if you might have some time to help him fix a leak in his roof this weekend. You tell him that you will take a look at your schedule and find out when you might be available. You also tell him you will call him within the next day or two to let him know what time you will be available and how much time you will have to "help."

First thing the next morning your phone rings at work and it's your neighbor. He asks when you were planning on being available to "help" with the roof. You inform him that you hadn't had a chance to check your schedule and ask if you can call him back. Your neighbor says, "Well, I really need to know so that I can plan my schedule around your time and make sure I don't plan anything around that time." You're thinking, "It's your house and your leak. You should be available at my convenience not the other way around." but you refrain from saying this out loud and check your schedule. "I'll be available for a couple of hours around 1:00 PM Saturday." Your neighbor responds with "That will be okay but if you can make it any earlier it would be better for me." You're a little perturbed by this but you tell him you'll see what you can do.

You inform your neighbor that it would be to his advantage to get all the preliminary work done so that when you get there, since you will have limited time, you can jump right in and together you should be able to get it done in that amount of time. You tell him to strip the effected area of the roof where the leak exists and to go get all the supplies needed to do the job. Your neighbor says "No problem."

Saturday comes and you manage to get to your neighbors house a little early by canceling some other things that were important but you could push them back a day to make sure he doesn't have rain falling on his head while he's in his house watching TV. You get to the house and notice that the roof hasn't been touched. You also do not see any materials with which to get the project done. You ask your neighbor, as he's walking out of his front door with a glass of iced tea, where all the materials are to fix his roof? He responds "I didn't want to end up getting the wrong things so I decided to just wait for you to get here." Then you ask why he didn't strip the roof? He responds, "I wasn't sure where to start so I thought I'd wait until you got here and we could kill two bird with one stone."

You're not happy but you get to work. You end up doing the majority of the work that you're not getting paid to do, you end up spending twice the amount of time getting it done and make your wife mad in the process.

Your helpfulness ends up making you late for dinner and drinks with some friends that your wife was anticipating all week long. You will have to live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life ;)

Only after all is done and your tired and suffering marital strife do you find out that your neighbor’s roof has been leaking for the last eight years. The reason he needs it fixed “right now” is because his wife is angry about the fact he’s never done anything about it and it’s starting to cause some visible damage that is costing him money.

Now this is only the first instalment so the next one is a little less ambiguous.

Take care,

Darris C.