Let's start our own religion...

**shanbaum** · 12-15-2005, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Pete Hanlin

4.) Anyone feeling annoyed by someone's interpretation of #2 will contact Darris Chambless- who will determine what evil actions are dispensed upon the annoying person (or the person being annoyed, if they're just whining).
5.) Robert Shambaum will have to agree with any decision made by Darris (which should ensure nothing is ever actually done to anyone- a little divine form of checks and balances).

Hey-hey-HEY-HEY-HEY. Why does Darris get to decide the punishments? How about I decide the punishments, and he gets to agree?

No, wait. I shall accept the punishments myself. Ooh.

**Pete Hanlin** · 12-15-2005, 08:07 PM

Hey-hey-HEY-HEY-HEY. Why does Darris get to decide the punishments?

Because Darris is demonically devious and crafty, and likely to come up with sundry devious torments for annoying people (which will amuse The Pete- let's not lose focus on The Pete).

On the other hand, you are rather thoughtful and reserved (and likely to nix anything truly cruel if for no other reason than to deny Darris of the pleasure of dispensing his punishments). Therefore, it will also amuse The Pete to watch Darris fling lightning bolts out of frustration... (Did I fail to mention that- as my minions of justice- you would both be endowed with gnarly powers?)

I figure ANYONE who could possibly annoy both Darris AND yourself is worthy of whatever foul treatment can be bestowed!

The Pete has spoken, let it be so (oh, that just feels sooooo right).

**shanbaum** · 12-16-2005, 07:12 AM

Gnarly powers, eh?

OK.

**karen** · 12-16-2005, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Spexvet

Does that mean I can continue to slab off?

Ohh, that was FUNNY!!!!! :bbg: :bbg: :bbg:

My hubby stared his own religion in high school-even had a few "disciples". I think it was a tactic to get more chicks but as he descibed it it made some sense.

**karen** · 12-16-2005, 08:20 AM

heehee!! This reminds of the good old days when we would all almost get along and have a good time.

I am assuming based on our friendship O Great Pete that I am going to be awarded some sort of post in the new regime....

**Spexvet** · 12-16-2005, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by karen

Ohh, that was FUNNY!!!!! :bbg: :bbg: :bbg:

My hubby stared his own religion in high school-even had a few "disciples". I think it was a tactic to get more chicks but as he descibed it it made some sense.

Thank you.:cheers:
Are you really Squeaky Fromme?

;)

**karen** · 12-16-2005, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by Spexvet

Thank you.:cheers:
Are you really Squeaky Fromme?

;)

Nope and it's a good thing because I would look horrible bald. I also have way too much class and distinction to blindly follow short crazy men. If I am going to do that it will be a very tall, suave, debonair and rich guy. Along the lines of Viggo Mortenson's looks (but a bit taller) , George Hamilton's style and Mr Gates bank account.

**Spexvet** · 12-16-2005, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by karen

Nope and it's a good thing because I would look horrible bald. I also have way too much class and distinction to blindly follow short crazy men. If I am going to do that it will be a very tall, suave, debonair and rich guy. Along the lines of Viggo Mortenson's looks (but a bit taller) , George Hamilton's style and Mr Gates bank account.

Thank goodness. You had me scared, saying your husband had disciples!:o

**Pete Hanlin** · 12-16-2005, 11:21 AM

I am assuming based on our friendship O Great Pete that I am going to be awarded some sort of post in the new regime...
Its THE Pete! Not O Great Pete (for my sake, I'm not the Great Pumpkin)! Sigh, ruling the world leaves one so misunderstood...

Most noble Karen (you see, this religion will apparently look a lot like King Aurthur's court ;^), I shall grant upon you the title of "Assistant to Newt" (since I am making Newt Gingrich my "Duke of California," which should be truly amusing). Ah yes, and the first thing I'd like you both to do is mandate that warning stickers be placed on all consumer products sold in California. They shall state:
"WARNING- It is known to every state but California that nagging the world about the ill effects of the products they enjoy is incredibly annoying."

The rest is up to you, but I would heartily suggest you do something with Barbara Boxer (something so diabolical that it makes Darris blush!). Maybe you could have her work a drilling rig in the artic circle for a stint!

I will also not forget my liberal friends. Especially for them, an entirely new country comprised of Connecticut (sp?), Massachucetts (sp?), New York, Rhode Island, Delaware, and heck, I'll toss in New Jersey for laughs, will be established. CNNs offices will be relocated to NYC, as will Hollywood. My only request is that you fund anything you come up with out of your own tax base...

Coincidentally, Steve will serve as my "Prince of Elections," and he will have the power to afflict any politician telling a lie to their constituents or failing to act upon a campaign promise with festering boils (festering, mind you- not your casual simple boil).

So it has been spoken, so shall it be done!

:)

**Steve Machol** · 12-16-2005, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by karen

Ohh, that was FUNNY!!!!! :bbg: :bbg: :bbg:

My hubby stared his own religion in high school-even had a few "disciples". I think it was a tactic to get more chicks but as he descibed it it made some sense.

My best friend and I did the same thing in High School. The religion was USism, which essentially espoused the belief in one's self. I was talking to John about this last year and he pointed out how many people have become rich over the last few decades selling self-help programs that pretty much did the same thing.

We were ahead of our time!

**karen** · 12-16-2005, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Pete Hanlin

I am assuming based on our friendship O Great Pete that I am going to be awarded some sort of post in the new regime...
Its THE Pete! Not O Great Pete (for my sake, I'm not the Great Pumpkin)! Sigh, ruling the world leaves one so misunderstood...

Most noble Karen (you see, this religion will apparently look a lot like King Aurthur's court ;^), I shall grant upon you the title of "Assistant to Newt" (since I am making Newt Gingrich my "Duke of California," which should be truly amusing). Ah yes, and the first thing I'd like you both to do is mandate that warning stickers be placed on all consumer products sold in California. They shall state:
"WARNING- It is known to every state but California that nagging the world about the ill effects of the products they enjoy is incredibly annoying."

The rest is up to you, but I would heartily suggest you do something with Barbara Boxer (something so diabolical that it makes Darris blush!). Maybe you could have her work a drilling rig in the artic circle for a stint!

:)

Sorry I was lobbying so I thought O Great Pete would butter you up ;)

Well, I don't mind working for Newt but couldn't you find someone a bit taller? How' bout appointing Sean Hannity? Am I granted any special powers?

I think I might make Ms. Boxer own a small business and figure out how to afford workmans comp and paying her employees minimum wage every time it goes up, at least for starters. Oh, and then she'll have to kick in to Social Security like the rest of us. There goes her retirement fund. Weeeee, this is fun! (Darris, if you are lurking is that a good start?)

**Pete Hanlin** · 12-16-2005, 08:45 PM

Karen, let's see...

Your power will be that of irony & omnipresence in the State of California. You will be able to make individuals suffer the consequences of any stupid thoughts or statements they think or utter.

For example, anyone protesting the building of a power plant (or the drilling of oil), will ironically experience localized loss of power wherever they may happen to be (no electricity, no gasoline, no nuthin'). People wishing to "immediately withdrawal" our troops from Iraq will ironically wake up living in an Iraq as it existed under Saddam Hussein. Anyone even thinking of voting for Barbara Boxer will inexplicably lose all the money in their retirement, social security, and personal bank accounts (along with all the above- voting for Boxer should qualify for you to release the hounds of hell- aka Darris).

I'm sure you can think of many additional ironies to bestow on those in your state who seem incapable of rational thought (i.e., 90% of the residents living outside Orange County). Oh, one more thing- anyone underpaying an immigrant worker will wake up Hispanic and incapable of speaking English (and the immigrant will awaken to the life of their former employer).

Have fun and be malevolent- there are many in your land in need of remediation!

**QDO1** · 12-17-2005, 08:51 AM

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."

Friedrich Nietzsche

**Spexvet** · 12-17-2005, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by Pete Hanlin

Karen, let's see...

Your power will be that of irony & omnipresence in the State of California. You will be able to make individuals suffer the consequences of any stupid thoughts or statements they think or utter.

For example, anyone protesting the building of a power plant (or the drilling of oil), will ironically experience localized loss of power wherever they may happen to be (no electricity, no gasoline, no nuthin'). People wishing to "immediately withdrawal" our troops from Iraq will ironically wake up living in an Iraq as it existed under Saddam Hussein. Anyone even thinking of voting for Barbara Boxer will inexplicably lose all the money in their retirement, social security, and personal bank accounts (along with all the above- voting for Boxer should qualify for you to release the hounds of hell- aka Darris).
...

Hail The Pete!
That's brilliant! Anyone who wants a power plant will have it built in their back yard, get radiation poisoning, and their children will have lukemia. Those who want drilling in ANWAR will have a rig set up in their back yard - their sinks will have hot and cold running crude, and their pets will be eternally covered with sludge (think Sisyphus). Those who support torture will wake up as an innocent Iraqi, mistaken as a terrorist, and get tortured. Boy, think of the possibilities. Are you for social security reform? You're an old person and all your cupboards are filled with dog food. The cupboards of your cardboard box, that is...

The Pete, I respectfully request the position of Grim Reaper and Gatekeeper of Hell. I want to select those who are tagged for eternal damnation and be there to welcome them. It'll be nice to finally meet Chip face to face (he's posted on more than one occasion that he KNOWS he's going to hell).

**Pete Hanlin** · 12-17-2005, 10:21 PM

Um, Darris- your first customer...

**spartus** · 12-18-2005, 11:13 AM

Can I just jump in here and point out the unbelievable level of post-post-modern irony that's developing? Great, thanks.

**Pete Hanlin** · 12-18-2005, 12:25 PM

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Interesting quote coming from someone who ended his life in the grips of insanity (I believe his sister charged admission for people to watch him babble and froth at the mouth). I suppose then, by his own definition, Nietzsche was rare indeed!

Don't get me wrong, I've read a bit of Nietzsche and gather he was a very intelligent man. I suppose I just recall the t-shirt one of my college friends used to wear- the front read: "God is Dead! -Nietzsche" the back read: "Nietzsche is Dead. -GOD."