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Thread: Optical jokes

  1. #1

    Optical jokes

    Does anybody have any good "optical jokes"?

  2. #2
    Pomposity! Spexvet's Avatar
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    Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.:p
    ...Just ask me...

  3. #3
    You know you've been an optician too long if......

    You can act genuinely conserned when a patient tells that their plastic lenses are scratched......

    Quote Originally Posted by Spexvet
    Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.:p

  4. #4
    Objection! OptiBoard Gold Supporter shanbaum's Avatar
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    Favorite Optical Joke

    Forgive me if you've heard this one (I may have told it before)...

    Sol had lived a long life, which was drawing to its end. As his family surrounded him on his deathbed, he asked to see his optometrist.

    "Optometrist?" they asked. "Why in the world do you want to see your optometrist?"

    "Just get him for me."

    So they go get Dr. Kaplan, who, on seeing Sol about to depart this life, asked, "Sol, it pains me to see you like this. What can I possibly do for you?"

    Sol opened his eyes slightly and said, "Doc, before I go, there's one thing I have to know. Which one was clearer - A or B?"

  5. #5
    Manuf. Lens Surface Treatments
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    Big Smile Spots.......................

    Seeing Spots


    Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

    Optician: Didn't the new glasses help?


    Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer
    Chris Ryser
    ________________________________________
    DLO. NA.IC.I.T.PO

    http://optochemicals.com............................. http://arcoatings.com

  6. #6
    Manuf. Lens Surface Treatments
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    Redhot Jumper Progressive..........................

    Progressive Lenses

    A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

    "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

    "Oh! How nice it would be," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."
    Chris Ryser
    ________________________________________
    DLO. NA.IC.I.T.PO

    http://optochemicals.com............................. http://arcoatings.com

  7. #7
    Manuf. Lens Surface Treatments
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    Big Smile Need Glasses .............................

    Need glasses


    Optician: You need glasses.

    Patient: But I'm wearing glasses.

    Optician: Then I need glasses.


    Chris Ryser
    ________________________________________
    DLO. NA.IC.I.T.PO

    http://optochemicals.com............................. http://arcoatings.com

  8. #8
    Manuf. Lens Surface Treatments
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    Poor eye sight

    A young women visited her optometrist complaining of failing eyesight. The optician sat her in front of a standard eye chart.

    optometrist : "Can you read the bottom line?"

    Girl: "No."

    optometrist : "Can you read the center line?"

    Girl: "No."

    optometrist : "Can you read the large top line?"

    Girl: "No."

    optometrist (getting frustrated): "Can you even see the chart?"

    Girl: "No."

    The optometrist is clearly frustrated and whips his ********* out of his pants.

    optometrist : "Can you see this?"

    Girl: "Of course!"

    optometrist : "Well, there's your problem -- you're ****-eyed!"



    :bbg: :bbg:



    Chris Ryser
    ________________________________________
    DLO. NA.IC.I.T.PO

    http://optochemicals.com............................. http://arcoatings.com

  9. #9
    One of the worst people here
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    I did have a chuckle the other day when a customer said "how much do I owe you for the screw?" It is an old joke, but I almost said $500.

  10. #10
    Manuf. Lens Surface Treatments
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    Big Smile Czech....................

    Czech at the opticians

    A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters

    C Z W X N Q S T A C Z

    "Can you read this?" the optician asks.

    "Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy."



    :D :D



    Chris Ryser
    ________________________________________
    DLO. NA.IC.I.T.PO

    http://optochemicals.com............................. http://arcoatings.com

  11. #11
    Master OptiBoarder Joann Raytar's Avatar
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  12. #12
    OptiBoardaholic
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    Optical jokes

    Lady comes into an optician's shop and announces that she has a screw loose

    Optician tells her there are 3 competant practicioners in that realm around the corner

    Ed

  13. #13
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    optical jokes

    An older gentleman walks into an opticians shop and says that he needs a screw

    THe optician on duty tells hem that the Whoopee Parlor is three blocks down the street

    Ed

  14. #14
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    I know I am going to get into trouble with this but...

    One day I was caught in traffic and late to see my first patient for a contact lens check-up with a slit-lamp.
    A young woman was already impatiently in the exam chair. Usually I politely ask the patient to uncross thier legs (Arm slit-lamp is on will hit the knee most uncomfortably with legs crossed).
    However on this occasion I was quite late and not thinking. I said: "Please uncross your legs so I can look at you with the microscope."
    The young lady was appearently somewhat of a swinger and replied: "I've had a lot of men ask me to do that, but you're the first one who wanted to look at it with a microscope first."

    Chip:cheers:

  15. #15
    Compulsive Truthteller OptiBoard Gold Supporter Uncle Fester's Avatar
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    Patients come in all the time embarrased that they sat on their glasses. After readjusting them I bring them out and tell them not to do it again. "Besides" I'll say. "It's a waste of time. Didn't your mother teach you that hindsight is 20/20" :bbg:

    Also if they step on them I'll say they now have "sole".

    A comedienne told one on TV a few years ago that I never forgot;

    Dated an Optometrist once but I had to break it off. Whenever we were making love he had to keep asking "Which is better? This? or this?" ;)

  16. #16
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    Man walks into an opticians with a shoe box. The lady behind the counter asks if she can help him. He opens the box to reveal a 12 inch long turd.
    "You should see a doctor, this is an opticians !"
    "Yes, but every time I do one of these, my eyes water"






    Simon

    www.findtheneedle.co.uk

  17. #17
    Independent Problem Optiholic edKENdance's Avatar
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    findtheneedle

    That is farking horrible! Almost as bad as taking a glance when you're measuring a pd.

    nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean?

    :cheers:
    Last edited by edKENdance; 07-07-2005 at 07:51 PM.

  18. #18
    Are there any other good optical jokes out there?

  19. #19
    Rising Star Bill Mahnke's Avatar
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    I’ve always liked the sign that announces:

    Eyes Examined While You Wait!

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    What do you call a fish with no eyes ? a fsh !

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    Bad address email on file k12311997's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optical_1 View Post
    Are there any other good optical jokes out there?
    are there any "other"? are there any period?

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    Master OptiBoarder
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    MY PAYCHECK ;^)

    Fezz
    :cheers:

  23. #23
    Master OptiBoarder
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    Ha-ha

    Quote Originally Posted by Fezz View Post
    MY PAYCHECK ;^)

    Fezz
    :cheers:
    That's the funniest by far. Fezz, is it delivered to you by a man with a shoe box??:D Chris..

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    OptiBoard Apprentice bourdie1979's Avatar
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    very pg

    Quote Originally Posted by Personalizedoptics View Post
    Does anybody have any good "optical jokes"?

    A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, 'I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.'

    The receptionist asks, 'Have you ever seen a doctor?' and the man replies, 'No, just spots.'

  25. #25
    OptiBoard Apprentice bourdie1979's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Fester View Post
    Patients come in all the time embarrased that they sat on their glasses. After readjusting them I bring them out and tell them not to do it again. "Besides" I'll say. "It's a waste of time. Didn't your mother teach you that hindsight is 20/20" :bbg:

    Also if they step on them I'll say they now have "sole".

    A comedienne told one on TV a few years ago that I never forgot;

    Dated an Optometrist once but I had to break it off. Whenever we were making love he had to keep asking "Which is better? This? or this?" ;)

    LOL! very nice.

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