Woman goes to the doctor and complains, "Every time I drink tea I get a pain in my eye. Is it cancer?"
Doctor says,"Take the teaspoon out first."
Woman goes to the doctor and complains, "Every time I drink tea I get a pain in my eye. Is it cancer?"
Doctor says,"Take the teaspoon out first."
DragonlensmanWV N.A.O.L.
"There is nothing patriotic about hating your government or pretending you can hate your government but love your country."
Doctor: You have glaucoma.
Patient: Can I get a second opinion?
Doctor: OK. You're also ugly.
A man of asian descent goes for his regular eye exam and the doctor tells him that he has a cataract. The man keeps arguing that it is impossible for him to have a cataract. Frustrated, the doctor asks the man why in the world he thinks that it is impossible for him to have a cataract. The man replies, "Because, Doc, I drive a rincoln!"
You know you've been an Optician too long if....
You can talk about a substance like "face cheese" while eating fondue and not get sick.
You can plunge a jeweler's screwdriver 2 inches into your hand and not utter a foul word.
An attractive person says "I need a screw." and you don't go running for a cold shower.
A patient tells you their life story (including the part about their uncle, the disease, and the farm animals) and you can act interested.
You have ever fantasized about shoving your hand down a patient's throat and ripping out their still beating heart because they complained about a sore behind their ear.
You can sing the benefits of progressive lenses to the tune of "Louie Louie."
You can tell the brand of cigarette a patient smokes by the smell of their glasses.
You can act genuinely concerned when a patient tells you their plastic lenses are scratched.
You heat a pair of temple just beyond the melting point and give them to a patient to try on before they cool.
You have ever sold a patient a pair of A/R coated, progressive, photogrey lenses in a Barracuda swim goggle just because you could.
You tell a paitent that as of the first of the year, Serengeti Drivers wil be mandatory for driving a car.
You have ever removed someone's glasses at the grocery store, cleaned and aligned them, and given them back.
The only information you can give the police after you have been mugged is that he was wearing a Charmant 4228 in a 56 eye.
Someone askes if you sell "Blue Blockers" and you shove the entire dispensing table down their throat while screaming "NO!"
You own more than 17 pairs of glasses with your current prescription in them.
Yes, some of these are very old, but still funny.
There are rules. Knowing those are easy. There are exceptions to the rules. Knowing those are easy. Knowing when to use them is slightly less easy. There are exceptions to the exceptions. Knowing those is a little more tricky, and know when to use those is even more so. Our industry is FULL of all of the above.
WFruit, thank you so much for posting this. I got this in an email almost 10 years ago, and have been wanting it again lately. I haven't gotten around to asking if anyone here had read it, or had a copy of it to post (or even email to me). But I think about it every time I adjust glasses that smell like ciggarettes. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :D
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
I got it about that long ago when I was in school in Virginia for my license. Our instructor my 2nd year passed it out to the class. I suppose I should have "modernized" it with some more current frame styles, and substituted "Drivewear lenses" for "Serengetti Drivers," but I figured some of the old timers here would appreciate it being "Old School." What bothers me most is that I've had a good number of the things on that list actually happen to me.....Originally Posted by Striderswife
I've had some patients says some "interesting" things to me over the years:
A lady once complained to me that her "nose pads smelled funny."
Another lady refused to try on metal frames since they "disrupted the flow of her chi." When she asked what she should clean her lenses with, I told her that "they must be cleansed with fresh dew harvested in the dawn light of the equinox, for only this pure water could wash away the impurities of the world around her." She and her friend immediately begain planning a trip to the Appalachian mountains for that March....
Speaking of dirty.... I once removed the eyewire screw from a lady's glasses. However, the foundation caked on them had to be chipped away first before I could put the new lenses in.....
Recently I was in our retail store when a gentleman came in. Perfectly normal looking. Asked about some frame styles, and then proceeded to tell us that his lenses were scratched because the television station downtown had shot lasers at him, causing him to throw up his arms and knock his glasses off. The conspiracy went on from there, blaming, among others, the Kremlin, CBS news, deer (yes, these animals were also after him), and Elmo (yes, the muppet kept "laughing at him"). Yes, when you think about it, it really is sad, and the man definitely needs help. But at the time, it was impossible not to fall over laughing as soon as he left.
Meanest funny (in a sick way) thing I've ever done: A lens fell out of the lens holder into the tint pot. I told the new lab tech that she could just reach in and pull it out. At least I made her put a glove on first....
The worst was when I worked for LC. A VERY attractive co-worker came back in to the lab and said that she "needed lubrication" for a "stiff temple screw."
Seriously, how does a guy respond to that and keep his job?
There are rules. Knowing those are easy. There are exceptions to the rules. Knowing those are easy. Knowing when to use them is slightly less easy. There are exceptions to the exceptions. Knowing those is a little more tricky, and know when to use those is even more so. Our industry is FULL of all of the above.
I had some frames yesterday that I couldn't tell if the nosepads were snap-on or screw-in. Yuck. :p
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
:bbg: My favorite!:bbg:
:cheers::cheers::cheers:
Properly medicated for your protection.
What device does an optician use to measure "How full of **** their customer is?"
A pooplometer.
Why do penguins never go to the Optometrist? They have perfect Ice Sight!!
Chris Beard
The State of Jefferson !
I'm a Medford man – Medford, Oregon. Up in Medford, we take our time making up our minds."
Hmm, thought you were going to say epnguins never went to an Optometrist because their family and friends have always told them that should always go to an MD(Opthamologist) to get their eyes tested.
Customer = I need Glasses. Me = I knew . U entered here thru the Window !
This one was in the paper not to long ago.
Irate customer sitting across a desk from the Optometrist in his office.
Caption......
Mrs. Smith, If I give you back your money, let you keep the glasses, and fire the optician will that make you happy?
Strangest patients:
I once had an OCD patient pace back and forth and fret that I was touching the lenses while replacing a nosepad. Unfortunately, the nosepad screw previously installed was too small and wouldn't back out from turning the screw, I had to push at it from the back also, so it was a little more complicated than a 10 second nosepad swap. It took me a minute to realize he was really OCD and feel bad for him, but before that it was (internally) hilarious!
I had a patient ask me to wash my hands with unscented soap, then rubbing alcohol, and wear gloves to assist them. Every frame had to be wiped down with rubbing alcohol prior to her putting them on. She also found reason to mention on several occasions that her toddler had a rash in his "tender area."
I had a patient corner me and talk at me for an hour straight (we were slow, she was the only person in the place) in tears about how her dogs had just died. She went on and on about how the dogs were more like people to her, etc. She was nearly suicidal about the whole thing, kept repeating that she doesn't know how to live without her dogs.
Man...that really ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!!
Ruff!!!
Ruff!!!!
Ophthalmic Optician, Society to Advance Opticianry
Keep a polaroid of some road kill in the drawer nearby. Use it as needed.
Chris Beard
The State of Jefferson !
I'm a Medford man – Medford, Oregon. Up in Medford, we take our time making up our minds."
98% of Americans say 'Oh s##t!! before going in the ditch on a slippery road.
The other 2% are from West Virginia, they say 'hold my beer and watch this!!'
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accomodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Cr#p, my dog is a Democrat..!!
Dear DragonlensmanWV,
For once it wasn't me picking on WV.
K12311997
Obxeyeguy
:D:cheers::D:cheers::D:cheers::D
k12311997
Picking on us? What? Truth is truth.
I actually know someone who said very much the same thing before wiping out his Nova. No great loss, just a Nova.
Besides, OBX still can't count to 21 unless he's naked.:D
DragonlensmanWV N.A.O.L.
"There is nothing patriotic about hating your government or pretending you can hate your government but love your country."
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her by minorities or illegal immigrants who are paid less than minimum wage. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. She pays her employees so little that she can afford to eat whatever she wants. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her - her medical insurance is paid for by her former employer, General Motors, and passed on to the consumer, or the taxpayers, when GM needs a bailout.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, minorities or illegal immigrants who are paid less than minimum wage clean it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She pays her employees so little that she can afford these accomodations. She is living like a queen, and has minorities or illegal immigrants who are paid less than minimum wage serve her. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day, pay high dollars for the products and services she sells, which she spends on herself, not the people who provide those services or produce the pose products - they are just minorities or illegal immigrants who are paid less than minimum wage.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Cr#p, my dog is a Repubican..!!
And that includes his one tooth.
At least the republican dog works.;)
How does a chinese optician get to work? In his Cadarac.....:drop:
It's hard work living off the gubmint dole.
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