Some humor, for our times now..

This too shall pass. Laughter is good for the soul...Now, for some jocularity!


* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
* Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'


The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'

https://politics.theonion.com/it-was...ori-1842783204

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