Stupid funny is still funny!
Good ones, people!:cheers:
A man walks into a bar and sits down at the bar. He starts drinking and is starting to get pretty plowed. The guy next to him, also drunk, starts talking about how windy it is.
"I tell you - it's so windy up here that when the wind hits the sides of the buildings and goes up, the updraft is so strong that you can actually float in it!"
The first guy doesn't believe a word of it, so the second guy talks him into going up on the roof with him,
The second guy says, "Look, I'll show you!" So he goes over to the ledge, leans out a bit, then a bit more, then his feet leave the edge and sure enough, he's hanging there in the air. So he works his hands and arms a bit and glides back to the rooftop. "See!" he says. "It's really easy!"
The first guy was really impressed by that so he goes over to the ledge, leans out a bit, leans out a bit more, then whoosh! He falls to his grisly death many floor below.
The second guy goes back down to the bar and orders another drink.
The bartender says, "What? Another one?!!!? You sure are a prick when you get drunk, Superman!"
<rimshot>
This one sucks, but here goes.
Favorite Joke = My Paycheck! :shiner::hammer::shiner:
Couldn't help myself. Let the groaning begin.
The Blonde and the Sailor
One night on his way to his ship a sailor comes across a beautiful young lady, sitting on the dock crying her eyes out. He stops, asks her what the matter is, and she tearfully exclaims that she just wants to end her miserable life; she lost her job, her boyfriend dumped her, and her ex husband cleaned out her bank account. He comforts her with a hug and suggests that she accompany him on his ship which is sailing to Hawaii. All she must do is stay below deck in his quarters and he would supply her with food and drink for the entire trip in exchange for having a warm body to lay next to each night. She thinks about this proposition for a moment, and then gratefully accepts his offer, thinking that a new start in a beautiful tropical locale would be better than ending it all.
So for two weeks he supplies her with three meals each day, wine, chocolate, and each night he has the pleasure of getting into a warm bed with a beautiful girl waiting for him.
Then, the captain of the ship happens to be below deck one day checking out a noise one of the other crew members heard and happens across this lady in the crewman's quarters. She explains her situation and how she came to be on the ship and asks how much longer the trip to Hawaii would take as she'd be getting off the ship there and starting her new life.
The captain replies, " Well I dunno how long it would take to sail to Hawaii but this is the Queen of Surrey ferry which runs between Vancouver Island and the mainland, and we'll be in Vancouver in an hour!"