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Optical jokes

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    Optical jokes

    Does anybody have any good "optical jokes"?

    Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.:p
    ...Just ask me...


      You know you've been an optician too long if......

      You can act genuinely conserned when a patient tells that their plastic lenses are scratched......

      Originally posted by Spexvet
      Did you hear the one about the optician who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.:p


        Favorite Optical Joke

        Forgive me if you've heard this one (I may have told it before)...

        Sol had lived a long life, which was drawing to its end. As his family surrounded him on his deathbed, he asked to see his optometrist.

        "Optometrist?" they asked. "Why in the world do you want to see your optometrist?"

        "Just get him for me."

        So they go get Dr. Kaplan, who, on seeing Sol about to depart this life, asked, "Sol, it pains me to see you like this. What can I possibly do for you?"

        Sol opened his eyes slightly and said, "Doc, before I go, there's one thing I have to know. Which one was clearer - A or B?"



          Seeing Spots

          Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

          Optician: Didn't the new glasses help?

          Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer



            Progressive Lenses

            A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

            "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

            "Oh! How nice it would be," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."


              Need Glasses .............................

              Need glasses

              Optician: You need glasses.

              Patient: But I'm wearing glasses.

              Optician: Then I need glasses.


                Poor eye sight

                A young women visited her optometrist complaining of failing eyesight. The optician sat her in front of a standard eye chart.

                optometrist : "Can you read the bottom line?"

                Girl: "No."

                optometrist : "Can you read the center line?"

                Girl: "No."

                optometrist : "Can you read the large top line?"

                Girl: "No."

                optometrist (getting frustrated): "Can you even see the chart?"

                Girl: "No."

                The optometrist is clearly frustrated and whips his ********* out of his pants.

                optometrist : "Can you see this?"

                Girl: "Of course!"

                optometrist : "Well, there's your problem -- you're ****-eyed!"

                :bbg: :bbg:


                  I did have a chuckle the other day when a customer said "how much do I owe you for the screw?" It is an old joke, but I almost said $500.



                    Czech at the opticians

                    A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters

                    C Z W X N Q S T A C Z

                    "Can you read this?" the optician asks.

                    "Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy."

                    :D :D


                      Not jokes but optical humour ...


                      Not in English


                        Optical jokes

                        Lady comes into an optician's shop and announces that she has a screw loose

                        Optician tells her there are 3 competant practicioners in that realm around the corner


                        MSEd, BBA, AAS Ophthalmic Dispensing
                        ABOC NCLC FNAO FOAA


                          optical jokes

                          An older gentleman walks into an opticians shop and says that he needs a screw

                          THe optician on duty tells hem that the Whoopee Parlor is three blocks down the street


                          MSEd, BBA, AAS Ophthalmic Dispensing
                          ABOC NCLC FNAO FOAA


                            I know I am going to get into trouble with this but...

                            One day I was caught in traffic and late to see my first patient for a contact lens check-up with a slit-lamp.
                            A young woman was already impatiently in the exam chair. Usually I politely ask the patient to uncross thier legs (Arm slit-lamp is on will hit the knee most uncomfortably with legs crossed).
                            However on this occasion I was quite late and not thinking. I said: "Please uncross your legs so I can look at you with the microscope."
                            The young lady was appearently somewhat of a swinger and replied: "I've had a lot of men ask me to do that, but you're the first one who wanted to look at it with a microscope first."



                              Patients come in all the time embarrased that they sat on their glasses. After readjusting them I bring them out and tell them not to do it again. "Besides" I'll say. "It's a waste of time. Didn't your mother teach you that hindsight is 20/20" :bbg:

                              Also if they step on them I'll say they now have "sole".

                              A comedienne told one on TV a few years ago that I never forgot;

                              Dated an Optometrist once but I had to break it off. Whenever we were making love he had to keep asking "Which is better? This? or this?" ;)