Favorite Jokes

[Robert Martellaro]

Robin Williams first appearance on Carson 1981.

[Robert Martellaro]

My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation.

[optical24/7]

For Robert.

[Robert Martellaro]

What do you call a French kitchen after a grenade is thrown into it?

Linoleum blownapart.

[Robert Martellaro]

I needed a password with eight characters so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

[SergeTrigger]

Once upon a time there was a man who stole a turnip from the king's garden, the punishment for which was death.
But the people of the kingdom loved this man and begged the King to show him mercy, for he was merely hungry.

So, the king declared that if the man could complete three tasks for the king, the man would be spared execution.
The first task: the King had a barrel of wine that was too good to throw away but not good enough to serve to his guests and he commanded the man to drink the barrel of wine
The second task: the kings pet lion had a bad tooth, and the man needed to go into its cage and pull the tooth
the third and final task: the king had a very ugly daughter, and he needed the man to lie with her and give her an orgasm.

The man agrees to these challenges. First, he drinks the barrel of wine without issue, although it does make him feel a little woozy. He is immediately whisked away to the lion's cage for the second task. Over the course of a few hours the guards stationed outside hear a cacophony of noises as the man wrestles with the lion attempting to complete the task.

Finally, the man emerges from the cage triumphantly and says "OK! Now where's the princess with the bad tooth?"

[Robert Martellaro]

Why don't ducks fly upside down?

'Cause they'd quack up.​

[optical24/7]

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

[Robert Martellaro]

Comedy Central and Paramount+ (Mondays only). Political satire and news just got a huge bump.

At his best on the old show.

[Robert Martellaro]

[Lenspricer]

Why did the smartphone go to the optometrist? Because it lost its contacts.

Why did the computer start wearing glasses after shopping for contact lenses online? It couldn't handle the site without proper 'screening'.

[Robert Martellaro]

Turkeys Away!

[optical24/7]

I've been to a lot of places, but l've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips.

[Robert Martellaro]

Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!:stomp:

Didn't think ya needed it since you're back home on the farm now, tiling' and plantin' and such. BTW, don't even bother looking inside your wine cooler fridge.

[optical24/7]

Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!:stomp: