Favorite Jokes

[Robert Martellaro]

Rolling Stones Shreds 2009

StSanders (Santeri Ojala) scores a Stones vid with his own music and lyrics.

"Charlie...Help!"

[Robert Martellaro]

Intergalactic Opticians Forum

Alternative history opticianry.

[waynegilpin]

So I had a long career as a Little O. I made a boat-load of money and got respect from everyone. Just like the Big O, and the Middle O. :bounce::bounce:

I'll be here all week folks. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress.

[optical24/7]

Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.

Daffy turns to Elmer and says, “ Hey, is this whiskey?”

Elmer said, “ Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank.”

[Heavy Glare]

lol xd

[optical24/7]

This is really a bad joke….that’s why I like it!…..

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

[optical24/7]

And now, be honest……how many of you sang the last line…

[Robert Martellaro]

And now, be honest……how many of you sang the last line…

Guilty. Here's another groaner.
_________________________________________________

The "Duck" gang robbed the same bank a week later.

How'd they do it?

They quacked the safe.

[Robert Martellaro]

I still can't get over the fact that the word "gullible" turned upside down looks just like a cat.

[Robert Martellaro]

[optical24/7]

Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!:stomp:

[Robert Martellaro]

Ah Ha! That’s where my spinning chore choser is! I’ve been working my rear off around the house since you took it! I’m gonna frisk your pockets the next time you come over!:stomp:

Didn't think ya needed it since you're back home on the farm now, tiling' and plantin' and such. BTW, don't even bother looking inside your wine cooler fridge.

[optical24/7]

I've been to a lot of places, but l've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips.

[Robert Martellaro]

Turkeys Away!

[Lenspricer]

Why did the smartphone go to the optometrist? Because it lost its contacts.

Why did the computer start wearing glasses after shopping for contact lenses online? It couldn't handle the site without proper 'screening'.