Favorite Jokes

[optical24/7]

Back in the day....

When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to a corner store with $1 and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and six eggs. You can’t do that now a days….




.....Too many security cameras

[Sean]

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

[Robert Martellaro]

Long coat clown.

[optical24/7]

Long coat clown.

Hey! I know that doctor!!

[Robert Martellaro]

Hey! I know that doctor!!

I know that clown!!!

[jackraider]

Funny stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CAbFDt3Evs

[Robert Martellaro]

Two muffins are baking in an oven. First muffin turns to the second and says "Man, sure is hot in here eh?" The second muffin says, "Holy schit! A talking muffin!"

[optical24/7]

I love that one Robert, it reminds me of this one...

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read ... 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class:
'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ..'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I’ll be damned!! A talking pig!'

[dr_intrepid]

A cowboy walked into a bar... and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"


The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."


"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"


"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.


"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.


"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."


"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"



...




"Rustling," said the bartender.

:giggle:

[Robert Martellaro]

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

'Is it mine?'

[Robert Martellaro]

Ha!

[ThePinkRanger]

Guess who I saw today?


Everyone I looked at.

[Quince]

I came up with a joke that really fleshes out my nerdism- it's one only Doctor Who fans in optics will understand:



What did the Doctor say to the lens that was too thick?

REGENERATE!!

[optical24/7]

They recently held the Edinburgh Fringe Festival over in the UK. They judge the funniest jokes of the year (in their opinion..) here are a few ( Keep in mind, British humor can be a bit different than the states) ...


6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated." -- Tiff Stevenson

5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer... came second." -- Will Duggan

4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit." -- Mark Smith

3. "I've been happily married for four years -- out of a total of 10." -- Mark Watson

2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one..." -- Stuart Mitchell

1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart." -- Masai Graham

[Quince]

Oh very good! We watch a lot of BBC in my house. Black Books is one of my favorite shows! We're also looking forward to whatever the guys from Top Gear are working on. Also I can't not mention The Catherine Tate Show, because her show might not be the funniest, but she is an idol of mine :wub: