Originally posted by Sean
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+100!!!!
Lost and confused in an optical wonderland! -
OK - in days of yore Alexander the Great rode into the interior of Asia. He found a tribe that used a magical liquid for telling time. They would dip a rag into the liquid, and then wrap it around their wrists. When it was high noon, the rags would turn black. Then they would gradually fade until the sun set and turn back to white. He called it Alexander's Rag Time Band. :bounce:Ouch!Lost and confused in an optical wonderland!Comment
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DulcolaxOriginally posted by Uncle Fester View PostLost and confused in an optical wonderland!Comment
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Nope- It's soo obvious!!!Originally posted by Psychobablr7 View Post
What's new in physics?
[edit]- Crude- I'm blocked at work but I'll bet we have a winner!Comment
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what's new in physics?.. technically nothing. It all happened like a badrillion years ago with the big bang and all that snazzy stuff.
Which reminds me of a joke..
Physicist walks up to the sales counter with a basket full of Neutrinos, and asks, "How much?" Sales person shakes his head and says, "There's no charge."Patient, ".. Doctor says I have a subscription for stigmata.. Can you fill that?"
Me, "..Um.. "Comment
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No joke:
I was just browsing ebay, looking for a trade show display, and stumbled upon this. Very true, and very funny!
Complete Black; Red; Gray (Panel Color Options- reversable) ExpoSystems 10' Linear Panel Type Display System that includes 2 lights, the hardware and the 2 shipping cases. This is not a pop-up system and requires simple assembly, however, it is quite easy to complete. It takes only 15 minutes for two ladies to assemble and 30 minutes for two men to assemble because the ladies will read and follow the drawing and instructions that are also provided with the display.Ophthalmic Optician, Society to Advance OpticianryComment
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Note to self; Bookmark this page as proof to my wife that she, not I should assemble all the things she buys at Ikea.Comment
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This cute story will help keep your morals in line as we approach Voting Day again.
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven. . .”
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes back down, down, down to hell. . .
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning,
Today, you voted. . ."
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How to pick up chicks!!!
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How to build strength
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where there is plenty of room at each side.
With a 5 pound potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out, from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for a bit longer.
After a few weeks, move up to 10 pound potato bags.
Next try 50 pound potato bags
Eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100 pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute (I'm at this level).
After you feel confident at that level put a potato in each bag.......Comment
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