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Dumb jokes

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    Dumb jokes

    I need some new dumb jokes--like why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

    My brother and family, including 2 young sons, are visiting this weekend. Always like to have a supply of lame jokes for them--they groan, but I know they think I am wicked funny!

    why did johnny put his mother under the steps

    He wanted a step mother


      A statistician goes on a guided elephant hunt in Africa. He sees an elephant and takes a shot. "you missed! you're 10 feet to the left" yells the guide. The statistician shoots again. "missed again!" yells the guide. "this time you're 10 feet to the right!" "got him!" yells the statistician.:D


        An Irish guy walks out of a bar... That's the joke!

        Q: What did Moses use to part the Red Sea?
        A: A sea saw!

        Q:What do you get if you cross a cantaloupe and Lassie?
        A: A melon-collie baby!

        A guy with dark shades and a white pole with a red tip walks into a tailor's shop with a guide dog... he walks to the center of the store and suddenly starts twirling the dog over his head with the leash (the dog obviously starts yelping and barking and making a racket)... the tailor rushes over and says "Is everything okay?!?" To which the gentleman replies- "Oh yeah, I was just looking around!"

        Q: What did the fish say when it slammed into a concrete wall?
        A: Damn!

        Q: You know how ducks always fly in a "V" formation? Well, do you know which side is ALWAYS the longest?
        A: The side with more ducks!

        And my personal favorite horrible joke (since my dad has the same name as I do...)
        Pete and re-Pete are on a boat, Pete falls off- who's left on the boat?
        Pete Hanlin, ABOM
        Vice President Professional Services
        Essilor of America


          Oh be still my heart... 4000 more posts like this??????:bbg:


            Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

            A. 1001. 1 to do it and the other 1000 to stand out in the audience with their lighters lit.

            Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

            A: Homeless.


              These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

              Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

              He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

              He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

              So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

              Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

              Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


                The only riddle I always remember:

                Q: Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?

                A: He had no guts.
                sigpic "The Good Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb". ~ Lonestar


                  The celling

                  On you didn'ty get it

                  It must have been over your head!

                  How to catch an elephant ?

                  First you dig a big hole
                  start a bonfire
                  and when the fire goes out and the elephant comes bye kick him in the ash hole.


                    Had to revive this thread before it went off the main board...

                    The three stages of sex drive in a man's life...
                    try weekly
                    try weakly


                      And then there was the insomniac, dyslexic, atheist...
                      ...he stayed up all night wondering if there might be a dog!

                      What is the definition of a tactic?
                      A breath mint for dyslexics!

                      PS- Not intended to offend anyone who might be dyslexic- one of my best friends struggled with this as a child (I'm convinced many "ADD" children really have this disorder).
                      Pete Hanlin, ABOM
                      Vice President Professional Services
                      Essilor of America



                        Whta disrorder?


                          A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

                          A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

                          A dyslexic man walks into a bra...............


                          Debt Crisis 2011: All the ostensible nobility in the world notwithstanding, we have run out of other people's money to spend.


                            a pair of twins are sitting in a bar having a beer. A drunk across the bar keeps staring at them and shaking his head. "its ok," says one of the twins, "you're not seeing double, we're twins." "All four of you?" says the drunk.


                              A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
                              Last edited by ksquared; 08-04-2006, 12:18 PM. Reason: wrong theme

                              Debt Crisis 2011: All the ostensible nobility in the world notwithstanding, we have run out of other people's money to spend.