And here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational,

which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter

it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new

definition (seems like the first four have been seen before):



1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.



2. Ignoranus (n): A person who is both stupid and an *******.



3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.



4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.



5. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little

sign

of breaking down in the near future.



6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting

laid.



7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.



8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who

doesn't get it.



9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.



10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)



11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really

bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a

serious bummer.



12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only

thing that are good for you.



13. Glibido: All talk and no action.



14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.



15. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.



16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom

at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.



17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit

you you're eating.



The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly

contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common

words. And those the winners are:



1. Coffee (n): The person upon whom one coughs.



2. Flabbergasted (adj): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has

gained.



3. Abdicate (v): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.



4. Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation while drunk.



5. Willy-nilly (adj): Impotent



6. Negligent (adj): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a

nightgown.



7. Lymph (v): To walk with a lisp.



8. Gargoyle (n): Olive flavored mouthwash



9. Flatulence (n): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run

over by a steamroller.



10. Balderdash (n): A rapidly receding hairline.



11. Testicle (n): A humorous question on an exam



12. Rectitude (n): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.



13. Pokemon (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.



14. Oyster (n): A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.



15. Frisbeetarianism (n): the belief that, after death, the soul flies up

onto the roof and gets stuck there.



16. Circumvent (n): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish

men