This poll is in response to the "Kids Today" Thread. Should parents spank? Yes or no.....and why?
Spank
Do not Spank
This poll is in response to the "Kids Today" Thread. Should parents spank? Yes or no.....and why?
Over here the 10 and under are out of touch as far as the law goes....
DO you think that the parents should be held responsible instead because i sure as hell do....
[QUOTE=John R]Over here the 10 and under are out of touch as far as the law goes....
DO you think that the parents should be held responsible instead because i sure as hell do....
One: what does this have to do with the question?
Two:
My answer, yes, within reason. It should be explained why the punishment is being meeted out and then afterwards there should be reconcilation. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE PUNISHMENT BE DONE IN ANGER! Just my 2 cents!
and perhaps if a few more spankings were administered byDO you think that the parents should be held responsible instead because i sure as hell do.
these "parents" they would be a little better behaved.
TOO MANY DOGOODERS SAYING TREAT THEM AS ADULTS.
talk to THE CHILDREN .HUMBUG
nothing wrong with a good spanking when it is deserved.
http://www.optispares.btinternet.co.uk
jack
It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.
I don't have children but I think there are certain situations where a spanking is appropriate. "Time Out" is only affective if a childs' personality will equate it to a consequence. If the child doesn't mind sitting still for X amount of time, what good will it do if the child has done something very bad or hurtful.
AMEN TO THAT!!! two different kids and two different personalities, took me a little while to realize the difference but dang it are you right!!Originally Posted by Jo
I don't think a good spanking really hurt any child. Not a beating but a spanking. YES they need to do it more. I don't think kids understand consequences for their actions anymore. They have no respect for parents or elders. I can only remember getting a couple of spankings myself but I do remember I deserved them. To this day I remember what I did to get spanked that is for sure. I don't think I am scarred for life because of it. Actually for me I think it made me want to behave to ensure it never happened to me again. I think people go way over board. The time out thing for the most part on every child I have ever seen it used on has caused more problems for the adult doing the punishment then the kid.
Steph
respect....
You hit the nail on the head there Steph...Kids don't give a toss about anyone in authority, be it teachers, police etc...stephanie said:
I They have no respect for parents or elders.
Time something was done to get back to the morals of when we were kids....
John,John R said:
Time something was done to get back to the morals of when we were kids....
You bring morals into the mix. Is there a difference between teaching morals and training a child to be moral? I suppose we are talking about spanking children at an early age. You can talk to children about morals all you want but there has to be a time when the child's immediate attention is necessary to get a cause/effect/consequence point across. A swat on the behind may be a parent's exclamation point. At this point I think it is more a matter of training; the parent trains the child to correct their behavior at the time a bad action is done. Of course, if you swat a child and say "no" too many times then the point is lost anyway.
I think many parents want to be their children's friends. It is more important for parents to be parents first; friendship will come when the children are adults.
Love demands discipline and sometimes punishment. I believe in spanking, and also believe that we should learn HOW to administer it in love to our children. Parents need to decide early on that they will stand together in whatever punishment or discipline they administer. Remembering that there is a difference in punishment and discipline. Spanking is not a beating. Spankings are rarely (let me emphasise rarely) effective on teenagers. Parents should know their children. What works on one, won't nececessarily work on the other. I have two, and they required totally different discipline when they were young, in order to be effective.
Parents who threaten and never follow through with their "threats" aren't doing their children or society any favor. Children learn that the "rules" change according to the mood of the person in charge. Children need to know that everything has a price, whether it's going to the store and making a purchase, or committing an act that will reap consequences. We need to let them know what the costs of ANY thing is. Parents who yell and tell their children that if you do so and so, "I'm going to kill you", aren't effective in their discipline. Children soon realize that the parent is melodramatic and start demonstrating the same type of behavior.
Telling their children that THEY are BAD is just as bad. Tell them what they have done is bad, and you expect better of them. Children develop self worth very early. They also don't want to disappoint their parents. They crave approval. I saw it in my own children and now my grandchildren. I also see it in the children that I teach music. They don't like to disappoint. They also learn, quickly, who they can manipulate and who they can't. I've found that each year, the children in my choir, who supposedly are classified as challenging, learn that they are expected to behave in my class, and know that inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated. They also love me as much as I love them. I also let them know that I'm proud of them.
I could go on and on, because a nerve has been struck. Children are the best thing that we have been blessed with by God, and we should take these little charges and handle them with love and care, whether they are our own flesh and blood or belong to someone else.
Diane
Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
While I can only remember spanking my son one time, after that I only had to tell him that he was going to get one if he didn't stop/start doing whatever was needed.
Everytime my son sees my undiciplined grandchildren (children of his older sibblings, although all my children are grown) my son never fails to remake: "Thank God you an mom beat the c**** out of me when I was bad."
Don't remember either one of us having to "Beat the c*** out of him, but this is what he says.
Chip
Sorry bad choice of word there...Jo said:
John,
You bring morals into the mix.
I remember as a kid, that if i went home and said i had got the cane of some other form of punishment at school i would get either the same or worse at home.....
Now if little Tommy Jones come home from school and says teacher shouted at me (physical punishment not allowed)...parents are running to the school to flatten the teacher for upsetting their little Tj...
Teachers can no longer discipline kids at school so what hope is there....
In my daughters class (she's 9) they have several problem kids at present doing stuff like throwing chairs around and not doing what the teachers asks....The teachers are unable to deal with the situation and there is no form of punishment available to them....All they can do is offer anger management to the kids...This has resulted in one teacher being put on permanent sick due to stress.... and a hell of a lot of angry parents who what the situation sorted.....
Although I received my share of spankings as a child, I was moved more by my parents disappointment in me and my actions. It didn't take long for them to realize I was more moved by guilt than pain. Some of the stupidest things I done as a kid were punished by taking a privelage away instead of a spanking. I vividly remember most of my highschool sophmore year weekends were spent at home doing chores as a punishment for my misbehavings. As I got older, my freedom and privelages became more valuable to me which inspired greater responsibility and respect for my parents rules.
Now as a parent of a 4 & 2 yr old, I realize how difficult it is to paddle and/or punish my children. However, I would much rather deal with the tears and establish who's the boss now than in 10 more years when they have the influence of the other undisciplined kids.
Kevin
This may be a bad comparision but I remember a comic strip of Little Orphan Annie.
Annie was ventureing into a section of cajun swamps by pirough (a flat canoe like cajun boat for those of you unfortuante enough to live up North) and this section of swamp was known to be inhabited by some rather bad criminal types. Annie was fortunate enough to have friend who was known to be champion of justice but very violent in his own way. He couldn't accompany Annie on her journey so he put a little U.S. flag on the front of her pirouge. This was known to be his mark in the area.
Surely enough on her journey, Annie ws beset by thieves, murderers and robbers. The jumped on her boat, began to remove her valuables and were about to remove Annie. Then one of them noticed the little flag. They hastily put everything inculuding Annie back and set her on her way without harm.
Annie remarked: "Isn't it amazing how much respect people have for a flag when they know it's backed up by something swift and terrible."
So should it be with parenting, then you never have to be "swift and terrible."
Chip:D
Great piece Chip and just how things should be. Most of us seem to agree that discipline is important, trouble is there are those who just plain dont give a toss... what their kids do....chip anderson said:
So should it be with parenting, then you never have to be "swift and terrible."
Chip:D
We used to send our daughter to her room when she had mis-behaved trouble is its not a punishment as that where all her goodies are, so now i find that just telling her to sit and do nothing is pretty effective of course this is always inforced...
You will DO as i say......
I suppose that I had the advantage of being blessed with children after 30, then had three, 20 months apart, so when the youngest was born, the oldest was 40 months. I can say that they grew up in a home where we attended church, were involved with Girl and Boy Scouts, including high adventure trips to Cananian boundry waters and Philmont scout ranch in NM. when they were small, it was a learning process that like Diane said, they're each different. one might require a spanking, another would respond to depriving him of his nintendo, another thrived on freedom, and trusted responsibility. a fond memory is when one was on restriction, went to a friends house after his work at a pizza place, we had to track him down, but only had a ph#. I called, asked him where I could pick him up at?, he wouldn't tell, so all I said was "then, count the cost", and hung up. he walked home about 6 miles, and apologized for his behavior. haven't spanked them since they were 3 or 4, it upset ME too much. the thing about scouting programs is the guys got a lot of interaction with other adults, and they were good role models. and us adults learned a lot from each other, and saw what worked and what didn't. but you must participate to experience your kids the best; and they will surprise you, in a most positive way.
I don't have a problem with spanking per se, but it is a difficult issue: if a child continues to behave poorly, does the frequency or the intensity of the spanking continue? Obviously not a good idea, so there is a built in dowside. The other thing is that part of me says violence begets violence; also, is spanking the best response or is it the one that best relieves the parent's frustration? I personally feel other punishments are more effective, but no I cannot say I have a problem with it if this is what other parents are more comfortable with. I recall being spanked as a kid and frankly think I preferred this to withholding priveleges.
I have spent time working with foster children and invariably the least qualified parents were the ones who spanked the most, not having the skills to develop other disciplinary strategies. I suspect this is where the current cultural distaste for spanking originates.
If I hit an adult, that is assault.
Hitting a child is arguably a greater crime.
Right. If you can't out smart a six year old you shouldn't have kids. On the other hand, I know a few teeners (teenagers)who could use a good belt in the mouth.
Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. - Richard P. Feynman
Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test before the lesson.
Then we have:Right. If you can't out smart a six year old you shouldn't have kids. On the other hand, I know a few teeners (teenagers)who could use a good belt in the mouth.
I don't know which one is more moronic! One who say's that he knows a few teeners "who could use a good belt in the mouth." or the other one that tries toIf I hit an adult, that is assault. Hitting a child is arguably a greater crime.
compare adult assault with hitting a child. Unbelievable!:hammer:
Last edited by Pete Hanlin; 04-13-2005 at 10:19 PM.
Quote:
Right. If you can't out smart a six year old you shouldn't have kids. On the other hand, I know a few teeners (teenagers)who could use a good belt in the mouth.
Then we have:
Quote:
If I hit an adult, that is assault. Hitting a child is arguably a greater crime.
I don't know which one is more moronic! One who say's that he knows a few teeners "who could use a good belt in the mouth." or the other one that tries to
compare adult assault with hitting a child. Unbelievable!:hammer:
Well I will add one more moronic one. The police handcuffed a five year old, I believe for disorderly conduct. Unbelievable but look at the statements that
were made before by our fellow BOARDERS and maybe this is not so unbelievable. I quess she just needed a "good belt in the mouth":hammer:
What else could the people involved with that five year old girl in Florida do, she is tossing the teachers desk, the vice principal intervenes, the little girl is taken to the office where she starts tearing papers off the wall, starts swinging at the vice principal. And remember during this whole time they are trying to talk to her and calm her down and they can not touch her accept to protect themselves.
John Tickner
If I hit an adult, that is assault.
Hitting a child is arguably a greater crime.[/QUOTE]
Yes hitting a child like an adult would be a greater crime, but that was not the question and that would not be the result if you applied the question and punishment correctly. You took a statement and took it to the enth degree. You jumped from assault on an adult to what it could be if done to a child, how did you arrive at that rubbish? Re-read what Chip said and you might get a better
understanding where we are coming from.:hammer:
Not too long ago we had a radio talk show hosted by a family counselor. The subject of child dicipline came up and a number of people in the same profession called in. They all agreed on two things.
1: Too many parnents forget that they are the parent, they want to be the child's friend and fear offending him and loseing his love.
2: Never ask a child twice. While these people stoped short of saying: "Swat the kid when he fails to obey with the first command." The implication was there but they didn't want to appear politically incorrect or sued for thier advise on the radio, it was clear what each of these people advised.
Failing to raise a child with a cocept of discipline is a far greater sin than enforcing (without permanant damage) discipline.
Chip:finger:
I have only spanked my soon to be 6 year old on a few occasions. And those times really didn't seem to affect him or his behaviour for the better...more often it made it worse. Like him hitting others, or he laughed ..it really doesn't seem to phase him.
What works best for me is to take privilidges away. He loves games...between Nintendo, the computer, card games, board games...he wants to spend the majority of the time on those activities. So when he is doing somethign he shouldn't, he gets a warning letting him know that there will be no games tonight if the behavior continues, and if it does, then it is taken away. I will unplug the nintendo from the tv in his room, the tv doesnt' have any cable hookups so it gets no channels in, and this really seems to work better for me than a swat on the behind.
I know it wouldn't work for everyone, and I do believe that spanking works for some...but just not me.
Cassandra
"Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate. But I believe that happiness is something we create."-Something More by Sugarland
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