Please post any discussions about the OptiBoard Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest and entries here. Thanks!
Please post any discussions about the OptiBoard Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest and entries here. Thanks!
OptiBoard Administrator
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OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
DUH!:hammer: :hammer: :hammer:
Read the rules FIRST!
. Each entry will be in the form of an opening sentence to a novel and must make some mention of vision, eyewear or ophthalmic optics.
I SWEAR that wasnt there when I first read the list!
NO FAIR!
You're all very sad (and somewhat sick) puppies, I may have to join you.:D
"I'm not part of the solution, I am the problem!"
It wasn't there at first. It was just one of those things I thought was obvious but really wasn't.Night Train said:
I SWEAR that wasnt there when I first read the list!
OptiBoard Administrator
----
OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
Yes, I always knew that given the right vehicle, the true nature and exceptionally bad writing skills of OptiBoarders would shine through! The only real question left is - can Darris stay within 70 words? :DTim Hunter said:
You're all very sad (and somewhat sick) puppies, I may have to join you.:D
OptiBoard Administrator
----
OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
Steve,
"Yes, I always knew that given the right vehicle, the true nature and exceptionally bad writing skills of OptiBoarders would shine through! The only real question left is - can Darris stay within 70 words?"
The answer would be, no. So I won't be contributing, not to mention I write entirely to well to write something "bad" :)
Tah tah.
Darris C.
Too bad Drris. I think you have a great imagination and can write well enough to be as bad as you want to be. I just think the 70 word limit is scaring you off! :p
OptiBoard Administrator
----
OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
Take this from me, staying within 70 is tough!
Mine scores 69 words on MS Word, but that's because I hyphenated manic-depressive and used a slash for his/her. Without the punctuation, it's 71. So what is the final word-counting judge?
I'll let it slide. Just don't let it happen again! :D
Personally I think it would be real easy to make a bad opening sentence with more that 70 words. It's when you have a limit like this that your true creative 'bad prose' genius comes through!
OptiBoard Administrator
----
OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
I have been temped to enter this wonderful contest but, when I saw this in a travel column on France in our paper last Sunday I realized that I could not top this. This proves that poor writing is not limited to contests (this is for inspiration, not an award):
"A machine is always more beautiful when it is running, and a Gothic cathedral is a machine to take you some place.
We accidently attended Easter Mass at Notre Dame de Paris. The church was packed, with both celebrants and tourists, and the bishop of Paris was presiding over the service.
At the alter, spotlighted like a good stage, there were priests and a choir, which was chanting plainsong that echoed through the building like surf.
It was intoxicating to hear the chant, melismatically floating like the censer smoke, under the brilliant blues and reds of the rose window, high above.
You don't have to be a believer to apreciate how the Mass, spoken and sung in the space built for it 800 years ago, addresses the magnum nisterium.
Building, ceremony, sunlight through the rose window: It all cast us out into the cosmos, out into the mystery, out into an intense beauty we only rarely let ourselbves be aware of.
The doctrine simply didn't matter, The metaphor behind the doctrine -- the metaphor truer than the sometimes unknowing doctrine -- took over.
We were privileged to witness the building doing what it was designed to do, like driving a Maserati across the Cote d'Azur or seeing the dynamos at Hoover Dam spin out electrical power."
(Author's name graciouslessly omitted. The rest of the article wasn't much better.)
So far I think all the entries are "Bulwer"thy.
:D :bbg: :D Jerry
The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground
Thought this might get the creative juices flowing:
WORST ANALOGIES USED IN ESSAYS
These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever
written in a high school essay" contest :
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes…
The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're
on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at
7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if
her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the
credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like
two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red
Crayola crayon.
LOL! Those are great!
OptiBoard Administrator
----
OptiBoard has been proudly serving the Eyecare Community since 1995.
Some of these are repeats but Some are not. May they inspire.
Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay"contest.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools
about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used todangle
from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowlingball
wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with
vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comeson
at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this
guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across thegrassy
field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at4:19 p.m. at a speed of
35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on aDr.
Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet ofmetal
being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf,
Alexandria)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. (Helen Hopp,
Yucaipa)
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