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Thread: Maybe Pat Buchannon is Right

  1. #1
    Master OptiBoarder Night Train's Avatar
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    Maybe Pat Buchannon is Right

    Doomed Through Stupidity

    In case you needed further proof that there really are stupid people outthere, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
    • On a Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
    • On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
    • On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
    • On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But its "just" a suggestion)
    • On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upsidedown." (Too late!)
    • On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(As night follows day...)
    • On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
    • On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just getthose 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
    • On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
    • On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(As opposed to what?)
    • On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
    • On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains
      nuts." (Talk about a newsflash.)
    • On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eatnuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
    • On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
    • On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)

  2. #2
    Forever Liz's Dad Steve Machol's Avatar
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    How about this one on a Blue Cross Blue Shield medical insurance application that I just filled out:

    Is any male or female applicant currently expecting a child?
    And I swear, 'male or female' was in bold! :hammer:


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    Master OptiBoarder Joann Raytar's Avatar
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    That's OK. OptiFree is labeled "sterile for soft lenses" above its tamper resistant packaging information. I once had a patient seriously ask me why it isn't sterile for other lenses.

  4. #4
    sub specie aeternitatis Pete Hanlin's Avatar
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    Not to be petty (well, okay, being petty... ;) ), I could imagine a male applicant could be expecting a child (via another woman) who would be covered under his policy. In the sense that a couple expects a child, the male could be the only person on the policy expecting- even if the female on the policy is not (of course, the insurance will probably be covering him for the involuntary castration she performs on him when she finds out :D ).

    Something I've noticed when creating office policy is this: There will inevitably be some strange set of circumstances that will lead to a situation that isn't covered by the policy... I mean, you should see all the questions I've had over who qualifies as immediate family members (immediate family members of our employees get products and services at 20% over cost at our office).
    Pete Hanlin, ABOM
    Vice President Professional Services
    Essilor of America

    http://linkedin.com/in/pete-hanlin-72a3a74

  5. #5
    Forever Liz's Dad Steve Machol's Avatar
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    Master OptiBoarder Night Train's Avatar
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    Here are some apparently REAL Court Transcripts:


    >Q: Are you sexually active?
    >A: No, I just lie there.
    >====
    >Q: What is your date of birth?
    >A: July fifteenth.
    >Q: What year?
    >A: Every year.
    >====
    >Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    >A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    >====
    >Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    >A: Yes.
    >Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    >A: I forget.
    >Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
    > > forgotten?
    >====
    >Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    >A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    >Q: How long has he lived with you?
    >A: Forty-five years.
    >====
    >Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
    > > morning?
    >A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    >Q: And why did that upset you?
    >A: My name is Susan.
    >====
    >Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    > > occult?
    >A: We both do.
    >Q: Voodoo?
    >A: We do.
    >Q: You do?
    >A: Yes, voodoo.
    >====
    >Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    > > doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    >====
    >Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
    >====
    >Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    >====
    >Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    >A: Yes.
    >Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    >====
    >Q: She had three children, right?
    >A: Yes.
    >Q: How many were boys?
    >A: None.
    >Q: Were there any girls?
    >====
    >Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    >A: By death.
    >Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    >====
    >Q: Can you describe the individual?
    >A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    >Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    >====
    >Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    > > which I sent to your attorney?
    >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    >====
    >Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    >A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    >====
    >Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    >A: Oral.
    >====
    >Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    >A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    >Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
    >A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    >====
    >Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    >====
    >Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    >A: No.
    >Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    >A: No.
    >Q: Did you check for breathing?
    >A: No.
    >Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
    > autopsy?
    >A: No.
    >Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    >A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    >Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    >A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law
    > somewhere.

  7. #7
    Master OptiBoarder Cindy Hamlin's Avatar
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    I have to believe.......

    Steve, I checked your link and I have to believe:


    The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to strike any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen.

    there aren't people that stupid!


    And another one of my favorites (we all remember the infamous coffee lawsuit at McDonald's):

    Seen on McDonald's drive-thru window:

    "Caution coffee may be HOT!"

    But, didn't I order the iced coffee?????????
    ~Cindy

    "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." -Catherine Aird-

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