I have been Reformed...

[Pete Hanlin]

A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to attract the attention of one of Florida's finest (i.e., a traffic cop). Seems he felt 76 was just a bit fast to be travelling in a 55mph zone...

Anyway, in Florida we have the option of attending a driver's education course (aka, Safety Brainwashing). I elected to do mine over the internet and have learned several things that were just too enlightening to keep bottled up inside...

• When you approach a railroad track, you should look for a coming train before crossing...
• The faster you travel, the greater the distance it takes to stop
• You are most likely to fall asleep at the wheel when driving long distances at night on a boring road...
• Drinking alcohol impairs your ability to drive... (Wow, who'd a thunk it?)
• If you get a flat tire, you should pull to the side of the road!
• If your car gets stuck on the train tracks, and there's a train coming, run at a 45 degree angle from the track towards the train! That way, the train can't throw the car at you! (okay, that was marginally educational!)

This and four additional hours worth of stuff can be yours at your local driver's re-education class! I'm just so happy that I have been rehabilitated and can re-enter civilized society. What have I learned from all of this? A good radar/laser detector is well worth the investment!

Anyway, just in case I ever get pulled over again (which won't happen now that I've been educated to the dangers of speeding ), what are some of the excuses y'all have used to get out of a ticket (even the unsuccessful ones, it pays to know what doesn't work too!)?

Pete "Road Rage" Hanlin
PS- Just remember, the law says NO ONE has the right of way... it just tells you who is supposed to yield the right of way... whatever!

[chip anderson]

If you think thats mind improving. The Federal Department of Agriculture put out a brocheur a couple of years ago that among other things told farm workers and residents that manure was slippery. Most folks on de farm finds this out long befo' dey kin read.

Congratulations on your emergence from the place of no darkness.

Chip

[Jo]

This one is a joke but technically it should work. You might get yourself sent away for a little vacation at the happy farm but you wouldn't get a ticket.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: "May I see your driver's license?"

Driver: "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI."


Officer: "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: "It's not my car. I stole it."

Officer: "The car is stolen?"

Driver: "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there."

Officer: "There's a gun in the glove box?"

Driver: "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk."

Officer: "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? "

Driver: "Yes, sir."

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.

The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: "Sir, can I see your license? "

Driver: "Sure. Here it is." It was valid.

Captain: "Whose car is this?"

Driver: "It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: "Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?"

Driver: "Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it." Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: "Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it."

Driver: "No problem." Trunk is opened and there was no body.

Captain: "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk."

Driver: "Yeah, I'll bet the lying s. o. b. told you I was speeding, too.

[bbla]

Jo I loved that

If you were to try that one out here in Calif. the law enforcement establishment would more than likely shoot
first ask questions later

Regards Bill

[Jackie L]

Here is one for you..........

Two guys walk out of a bar around 1:00 a.m. and each proceed to their cars. One (lets call him Pete H) is stumbling, dropping keys, yelling and slirring his words, gets into his car and tries to drive away. The other guy (lets call him Steve M) tries to convince him not to drive. Well, Pete drives out of the parking lot and lo and behold, gets stopped by a policeman. Steve quickly drives away.

Now the officer having witnessed this, pulls Pete over and asks for his license and registration. Pete politley abides. "What are you, drunk? You should have had a DD"(designated driver) remarks the nice policeman.
"Well, replies Pete, I am the DDD for the night." "Also known as the Designated Drunk Decoy, for you see,says Pete, my friend is the one who had too much to drink and you just missed him.

[Night Train]

I just saw REAL police footage on one of those "worlds worse drivers" shows that went something like this:

The police recognized that the person he pulled over was drunk and started asking the driver some questions. Eventually he wanted to do some measuring of just how impaired this person was, so he asked the man to follow his finger as he moved it slowly from left to right in front of him. (Kind of like an eye exam) The man told the officer he couldn't perform that test. The officer said "Why not?" The man replied, "cause I have a glass eye". The officer suddenly felt sorry for the man and said. "Oh, I'm sorry, which eye is it?"
The man replied with a superb punchline...."BOTH!"
He started laughing but it appeared as though the officer didn't get the joke.....

[so]

It is good that you don't have a North Carolina driver's license. If you get caught traveling 10 mph over the limit in a zone that is 55 or greater your license can be suspended for a year. This even applies if you get a ticket in another state. Fortunately, most cops realize that this is a pretty stiff penalty, and will usually claim you are traveling 9mph over the limit. Heck, in some areas they never even pull anyone over for speeding.
The driving test has mostly questions about the penalties for using a license to purchase alcohol for under aged people. There is very little on the test about driving or rules of the road. Hence, we have many superfluous signs stating things like "No Passing Zone". (I wondered what that solid double yellow line meant!) Pretty scary eh?

[Corey Nicholls]

Pete,

Don't they give you the chair or something down there for that?

Maybe you are talking to us from the other side?

Corey.

[CuriousCat]

Nah...That's in Texas...

[Darris Chambless]

Now, now,

They don't give you the chair for drunk driving in Texas. They drag you out into the bushes and beat you with a sand filled piece of hose. Get your stories straight will ya :)

Darris C.

[Jo]

OK, this is a true story that other people in CT should be able to verify.

A year or two ago they actually pulled over and ticketed a funeral procession on Rt. 25 for driving in the breakdown lane as they were turning off onto an exit.