Funny stories

[QDO1]

There was the patient who took off her wig, half way through a fitting, in the middle of a "fully glass windowed practice" in the middle of a shopping centre on Sat PM.. shocking
There was the other one +10.00 R+L Soft lenses - poped both in in the mornining - in the RE!. Drove to Wimbledon, watched the tennis, drove back, marched into the opticians and declared:
"My lenses stopped working this morning"
not to be outdone a coleague enquired if she:
"forgot to put the new batteries in"

And in the way only a pettite (and normally soft spoken) Australian female optician, working in the UK could respond...
A patient had a skinfull the night before at the office christmas bash, and declared "some bloke twatted me, broke me glasses". In the middle of a full shop the Aus. Optician says "gee FXXX did you hit him back", "Yea" he repplied, the optician then managed a "goodonya mate" before the whole place fell about in hysterics

[shellrob]

There's an Opthalmology office next door to us and they had a patient that wanted to know if she could get her implants in a green color to change her eye color? Gee wiz. This lady also wanted to know if she could remove them if she didn't like them.

[finklstiltskin]

So this guy comes in with $5 Canadian Tire (similar to Walmart, but more industrial) sunglasses. We had a full house at the time.

He is yelling at one of our employees that he needs a temple and basically blaming us for them breaking (:s). So she brings it to us and I decide I will talk to him. I went up to him and said that I could not five them because the plastic part is broken. He freaks out and says no one wants to help us and that this city is pathetic because no one has any parts for anything. I say, did you try Canadian Tire again, and he is like ya they are &#&#!#!# and stormed out.

All over $5 sunglasses. Why do people want to save them so badly?

We charge $3 a pop for the screw/nut assemblies with the little metal washers on them. We have people (all the time) that come in with both lenses out of their $5 drill rimless frames, willing to pay $12 to have the lenses remounted. I don't get it, but a dollar's a dollar, right?:)

We have a patient named Chidi Job...or was there just a disgruntled former employee playing with the computer?;)

We had a lady come in last year with a corneal abrasion. How did this happen, we asked her. She replied, "My chicken had some babies, and I was holding one real close to my face to have a look. The chick pecked me in the eye!" I couldn't help but laugh. Sorry, lady. That tops them all.:p

A week after the chicken incident, she returns with severe eye damage. What happened this time? She was cutting an onion, and the onion didn't make her cry. What made her cry was when she stuck the knife in her eye!

We had a patient this week who, each morning before he gets out of bed, applies eyedrops. Well, Tuesday morning, he accidentally grabbed his bottle of breath drops. Ouch. And that is the second time he has done this.

An elderly lady (92 years old), who has been a patient here for many years comes in to see the doctor, and returns to the lobby to wait for her ride. She was the first patient of the morning. I walk back to the exam lane with the second patient of the day, and what do I see in the exam chair? A fat sack of marijuana! :D (Must be for her glaucoma!) I grabbed the herb and walked back up to the front. "Did you drop anything?" I asked her as I showed her the bag of buds. I handed her the bag as she started freaking-out. She ended-up telling me 3 different stories for how the bag could have found its way into her pocket. I assured her that we were all cool and no one would call the cops on her. I bet I know what she did to calm-down when she got home!

I almost forgot about the guy who came in to get a refund on a $24 box of contact lenses (which is against office policy). I asked him what was wrong with the lenses. He said, "Oh, nothing. It's just that the ones I ordered online came in sooner than I expected, so I don't need these anymore." :angry: I explained office policy to him, and reminded him that he had signed a form explaining said policy. He repeatedly said he didn't understand why he couldn't return his contacts (and this is a med student). It took 10 minutes of haggling, before he finally left - with his contacts - in his brand-spanking-new Lexus.


Fink

[billtbyhand]

We had a guy in our office about 6 months ago who asked if we had a public restroom. We explained that ours was not for use by the public, but the restaurant directly across from us in the mall had a public restroom.
Apparently that was too far to go, so the guy whipped out in the hallway of our office and soaked some carpet . What makes it worse is he was 3 feet from the front door and we have bushes just outside the door.

We have had several weak bladder situations lately. A little old man in his 80's sat in the chair and pee'd his pants while we were dispensing his glasses.:hammer:

Everyone should be required to work with the public in retail for 1 year before being allowed to buy anything!

[chip anderson]

Billy, Don't scare your patients so bad.

[egbert]

An optician I worked with came up to me one day with a patient's RX for "piano glasses" and said "But this woman doesn't play piano. She plays the organ. Do I need to adjust the RX?" I told her there would be no need as piano and organ are so similar. Now if the woman were a sax player.....


:hammer:

[OPTIDONN]

The other day we had this kid come in. He's the kind with rich parents but feels that he can push people around 'cause mommy and daddy will always back him up (to bad he is in his mid 20's). Well he always comes in with unreasonable expectations and demands but we humor him because his family spends quite a bit. The kid got upset about something so the owner gives him a pair of teflon a/r lenses just to shut him up and make him happy. The owner proceeds to tell him that he has a premium coating etc. etc. The kid looks at him and says "put my old lenses back in" Our owner asked him why. He said "Because I don't want any of it to break off in my eye" :angry: What the heck!!!

[Excel-Lentes]

A lot of funny stories here. I had a funny thing happen recently:

Two people came to pick up their glasses (unrelated) at the same time. Both glasses had been sitting here for 2 years. They probably would've seen better if they picked them up a little sooner.:bbg:

[cinders831]

Our receptionist recieved a call a while ago, a lady called to ask where we were located as she couldnt find the place she made her appt at. She asked if we were on Center Rd, did we have Dr so and so and our kind recpt. told her no that wasnt our office, the lady then said......so what does that mean to me? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!!!!????

In any case we looked up the number for that office and gave it to her hoping she found it with no need to call back.

[Sodium D]

I had a patient who said he was having problems with his glasses. When asked to describe what he was experincing he said, "Well, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, and I get up and put my glasses on. When I look out of my bedroom I see a woman with a young girl (both of whom he didn't know) standing in the hallway. I'll look at them then rub my eyes and they dissapear."
That's all I'l say about that one. :hammer:

[For-Life]

I had a patient who said he was having problems with his glasses. When asked to describe what he was experincing he said, "Well, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, and I get up and put my glasses on. When I look out of my bedroom I see a woman with a young girl (both of whom he didn't know) standing in the hallway. I'll look at them then rub my eyes and they dissapear."
That's all I'l say about that one. :hammer:

I suggest changing the base curve ;)

[Sodium D]

yup , change the base and give him a retro tilt

[IIII]

A lady came in and said that she was having a problem with her new bifocal glasses. She and her husband sat down at the dispensing table. I asked her if she was having problems with her distance or reading. She said that was fine. I asker her if the glasses were uncomfortable and she said that they were fine. I guess I had a confused look on my face when her husband said that he could always wear her glasses before, but he can't wear her new ones.

[Karlen McLean]

When I was on the dispensing floor in South Florida, our clientele was primarly senior citizens. We had a busy afternoon. Two of us working, and five patients waiting. A very hurried man burst into the office with "that look" on his face, holding a eyeglass temple in one hand and the rest of the glasses in the other.
He barged up to my dispensing table and demanded attention I politely told him we'd be happy to help, but that there were others waiting and we'd take care of him ASAP in order. Everyone was waiting politely but him. He rolled his eyes, paced, scrunched up his face, blew out big breaths, and was starting to make everyone very uncomfortable and nervous.
I caught his eye and asked him, "Sir, are you retired?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Then relax!" I said with good humor. "That's what retirement is for."
The five waiting people chuckled, he frowned at all of us, and stormed out. He came back another day and thanked me for putting it all in perspective.

Then we had the "can't you do better?" crowd. One woman told me she'd just go to the local flea market - which sold grey market products - to get the brand name frame she wanted cheaper.
"We'll be happy to put the lenses in for you," I said.
She came back a week later for lenses, proud as punch that she got her brand name frame for 1/2 the price we dared to charge. I inspected the frame prior to writing up the order and had to point out that the "brand name" frame was a poor quality copy. The manufacturer's name had an "o" instead of an "a," in the five-letter name. When we held it up to the real one, she instantly saw the difference in the quality and coloration.
She bought our real frame and never shopped the flea market for eyewear again!

[egbert]

We had a customer return to us with a pair of (plus Rx) lenses badly scratched right through the centre - obviously from laying them face-down on a table. I explained to him what I thought had happened. He denied ever doing this. So we replaced the lenses, I explained the proper way to set specs down when not in use, and he went away. Only to come back into the shop about a month later with the same complaint. I showed him how perfectly the scratched portion of the lenses lined up on the table and told him again what I thought had happened. Again he told me he never puts his glasses face down on anything. So I told him, " I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but I think somebody must be breaking into your house at night and doing it then." We haven't had another complaint from him.

[walleye]

Aggressive Marcia the M.D. persuaded her shy sweet sister, Joan, visiting from Seattle to be fitted with HGP lenses. Joan wanted nothing to do with contact lenses but Marcia insisted. On the dispensing visit I proceeded to instruct Joan on the insertion and removal of her lenses at the contact lens dispensing table. Marcia stormed in and said "no, no, no, the only way to do this is for me to show her". Marcia then proceeded to take about 10 sheets of paper towels and lay them on the floor. She demanded that Joan squat on the floor with my dispensing mirror. Marcia hitched up her skirt and squatted on floor with her and proceeded to "instruct" her on the proper way to insert contact lenses. I went out into the waiting room and read a magazine. Joan returned to Seattle and returned the lenses unable to wear them. I refunded her some of the fitting fee.

[William Walker]

Day of dispense, woman, picking up her new lenses, stands up from the dispensing table, and looks at me, and starts making a face. She looks in thought, so I waied for her to say something, and she did:

"You look funny."

I wanted to say something like "You're not one to talk granny", but just as I was about to let my being offended show, I realized she meant I looked blurry, fuzzy, etc... The rest of the office, which all heard it had fun cracking up in the other half of the office while I tried to figure out her dilema.

[Lewy]

I had a patient who said he was having problems with his glasses. When asked to describe what he was experincing he said, "Well, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, and I get up and put my glasses on. When I look out of my bedroom I see a woman with a young girl (both of whom he didn't know) standing in the hallway. I'll look at them then rub my eyes and they dissapear."
That's all I'l say about that one. :hammer:

I wonder if she had large CYLS ?

Lewy