ksquared
08-01-2006, 10:40 AM
By Andy Borowitz (http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0806/borowitz080106.php3)
Only international force willing to go, says Condi ....Frustrated in her attempts to assemble an international peacekeeping force to serve as a buffer between Israel and Lebanon, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said today that she has received a firm commitment from the coffee chain Starbucks to serve as peacekeepers in the war-torn border region.
Many diplomatic observers were surprised that Dr. Rice would entrust the delicate task of peacekeeping to Starbucks, a company that has shown leadership in the coffee field but is relatively untested in the treacherous waters of Middle Eastern conflict.
But with such foreign powers as France, Russia and Germany unwilling to send forces to such an explosive hotspot, Starbucks became the only option for the U.S.'s Secretary of State.
"We believe that Starbucks will bring peace, and failing that, lattes, to the fledgling democratic state of Lebanon," Dr. Rice said at a press briefing this morning.
According to the plan hammered out with the U.S., Starbucks will create a buffer zone between the two warring nations by building a Starbucks franchise every two blocks along the Israel-Lebanon border.
Davis Logsdon, who has studied the interaction between Middle Eastern politics and global coffee chains at the University of Minnesota, believes that unlike the terror group Hezbollah, Starbucks can be expected to stay independent of foreign states such as Syria and Iran.
"Syria and Iran can give Starbucks all the orders they want," Professor Logsdon said. "But Starbucks will get those orders wrong."
Elsewhere, despite the death of the head of its military wing, Islamic Jihad is determined to continue its struggle against Israel, according to its new spokesman Mel Gibson.
Only international force willing to go, says Condi ....Frustrated in her attempts to assemble an international peacekeeping force to serve as a buffer between Israel and Lebanon, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said today that she has received a firm commitment from the coffee chain Starbucks to serve as peacekeepers in the war-torn border region.
Many diplomatic observers were surprised that Dr. Rice would entrust the delicate task of peacekeeping to Starbucks, a company that has shown leadership in the coffee field but is relatively untested in the treacherous waters of Middle Eastern conflict.
But with such foreign powers as France, Russia and Germany unwilling to send forces to such an explosive hotspot, Starbucks became the only option for the U.S.'s Secretary of State.
"We believe that Starbucks will bring peace, and failing that, lattes, to the fledgling democratic state of Lebanon," Dr. Rice said at a press briefing this morning.
According to the plan hammered out with the U.S., Starbucks will create a buffer zone between the two warring nations by building a Starbucks franchise every two blocks along the Israel-Lebanon border.
Davis Logsdon, who has studied the interaction between Middle Eastern politics and global coffee chains at the University of Minnesota, believes that unlike the terror group Hezbollah, Starbucks can be expected to stay independent of foreign states such as Syria and Iran.
"Syria and Iran can give Starbucks all the orders they want," Professor Logsdon said. "But Starbucks will get those orders wrong."
Elsewhere, despite the death of the head of its military wing, Islamic Jihad is determined to continue its struggle against Israel, according to its new spokesman Mel Gibson.